She Speaks Unrehearsed

Foto Zeit!

2011-08-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

A bunch of unedited randoms. Basically. I'm just trying to get myself back into actively posting by throwing a bunch of stuff on here. I'm going to put up an all Comic-Con post i the next few days, as well.

For now, these include experimentation with my new 50mm prime lens, our trip to Erie (non-wedding pics; wedding pics later), and my virgin hike at Lake Morena. Don't be confused, it wasn't virginal because I'd never hiked Lake Morena before - I hadn't, it was virginal because I had never hiked before. I knew, right? You're mind; it's just been blown. Don't worry; being blown is a good thing. ;)

Anywho, enjoy:

Random pics

2011-06-15T03:39:00.000-07:00

Nighttime at the playground

2011-06-15T03:25:00.000-07:00

Playing around with my new lens a bit. Playground at the park near my apartment. Unedited.

Mission Beach photo day

2011-06-15T02:30:00.000-07:00

Just some of my favorites caught while shooting near and around Mission Beach. All unedited, by the way. Though I may go through them and do a little bit of color optimizing and such later.

A case for dildos - and sex education

2011-06-11T01:41:00.000-07:00

I was thinking... there really needs to be some sort of charity that supplies dildos to the needy. The price for a decent dildo is ridiculous. Poor girls are horny too, ya know. Except you can't really donate them.... used dildos are just gross. (Maybe refurbished dildos? Haha.)
They give away condoms to kids in an attempt to prevent teen pregnancy. Has anyone ever considered the notion that if young girls were more educated about their own bodies and sexuality that they would be more comfortable with their own bodies? This could possibly contribute to a number of changes. If young women (I decided not to continue using the word "girls" as it may be misconstrued; I'm referring to teenage girls) were exposed to a culture that was more comfortable with female sexuality there is a possibility that this could reduce many of the common problems that teenage girls experience.
Low self-esteem is one of the biggest problems, focused on by the media, and it has everything to do with the way a young woman views her own body. If she is not comfortable and happy, as is all too common, issues arise. A woman that is educated about her body is more comfortable with her body.
Teen pregnancy has only continued to increase over the years. There are innumerable causes that lead young women to engage in sex, and to make the wrong decisions regarding protection during sex. However, if a teenage girl is comfortable with her body she will not be so desperate to seek male attention and approval. If she is able to pleasure herself, without guilt or shame, then she will be less likely to feel the need to obtain pleasure elsewhere.

Even poor Fido is ashamed to be caught with sex toys.

There is certainly no easy solution to an expansive problem. Yet, there is always an opportunity for change. Teenagers currently are only given the most rudimentary amounts of sex education. Even this education can lead students to feel ashamed and embarrassed. When I was in 5th grade, the girls and boys in my class were separated to sit through presentations regarding puberty. I don't remember much of the content, but I do remember the awkwardness. The main object, for the girls' class, was to prepare us to deal with our first period. I recall a great deal of confusion as we listened to the description of diagram of the female reproductive system. The message was important and the intentions were in the right place, yet the content went completely over the heads of 10 and 11 year old girls. No one understood what to do with this new information. Worst of all, I quickly discovered that I was the only girl present who had already begun her period. Not only had the presentation itself been too late to prepare me, but the other girls were still at the stage where they regarded the entire thing as gross and disgusting. I was made to feel like I had a secret, a gross and disgusting secret.
I experienced no further sex education until high school. It wasn't until 10th grade that I saw the STD presentation - which was infamous throughout the school. I was in the same school district at both these times, but it seems that they skipped a big part of sexuality here. I can only guess that it is the same elsewhere. No one ever attempted to educated the students on sex itself. There was never any discussion on what defined a healthy, consensual, sexual relationship. Instead, the STD presentation in 10th grade was basically a scare tactic. The idea was that students either already had, or soon would, become sexually active. Therefore they needed to be terrified by the idea of sex. What better way than showing them an hour's worth of slides containing pictures of STD-ridden genitalia?
It's not a bad thing to make sure that teenagers are aware of the very real risks associated with sex. But it is disheartening for there not to be an alternative. Our society still has sex and sexuality hidden under a shroud of shame. We cannot properly discuss it without being accosted with criticism and anger. Yet I'm convinced that those of us who are comfortable with our sexuality, in whatever form it may take, are much happier people.
(If only the people who wasted their time protesting gay marriage could just get laid....? But that's a rant for another day.)

Update

2011-04-05T23:48:00.000-07:00

So, I should probably update on a few points here:

1) We decided not to have a wedding.

2) We decided to have a wedding again.... I don't know what is going on, but I think it's driving me insane. We were going to do it in Vegas. Then everyone in my family still wanted to be included in some way. So we were going to just go home to visit everyone (since we live across the country and haven't seen most of them in about 9 months) and have a small get-together. Well, my intention of a small get-together, has slowly made its way to being a full wedding reception. I'm really not that pleased this. My mom and my gramparents are putting their opinions in more than I require. They're also volunteering to assist in paying for the reception, which requires me to care what they think. *grumble grumble*
Then a further complication. My man's best man lives near us. If we do the wedding in Vegas, he can come, but no one in my family can. So we're thinking of doing it in Niagara Falls. It's only about an hour's drive for the folks at home. But then the best man has already made plans for that weekend. Another part of our problem is that I LOVE procrastinating. So.... he can be included if we do it in the middle of the week. It doesn't really bother me to do it at an inconvenient time for others, if it's easier for me, lol. But then my family started bitching about that being inappropriate. OMG. *sigh* Could they make my life more difficult?
This has been stressing me out way too much. I'm looking into finding an outdoor locale, so we can do the reception cheaper and more informally. But so far I can't find anywhere that will allow us to use the space cheaply. I'm going to check into the peninsula. But if we have it there, then none of our guests can drink. There's no alcohol allowed in the state park. But we don't drink, so it really doesn't bother me at all.

Reddit Book exchange!

2011-04-03T15:54:00.000-07:00

So, I recently signed up to participate in a book exchange via Reddit Gifts. I'm still relatively new to Reddit. However, I had missed the opportunity to get in on the Reddit Secret Santa last year, so I thought this would be fun, smaller version of that. Plus, I love books, so where's the downside to this?

The deal is, you sign up. After the sign up period ends, they send everyone a "match," a person to whom you are supposed to send a book. You get their username, as well as their name and address for shipping purposes (which everyone agreed to give out when signing up) and any additional info they may have provided about themselves. You send them a book in the mail. You get a book in the mail. Everyone gets a nice surprise. Awesome.

Now, I had originally thought that I had so many books I would just send a used book that I already had. It is a book swap, so no harm in that. However, I had forgotten how drastically digital my book collection has gone. The only real, hard books I have left are ones that hold a lot of value to me. So, I actually went and found a handful of pretty sweet books at Salvation Army (much better than I expected to find there). I picked one from the lot and sent it out, without much to do.

About a week ago, I had received an anonymous message from my Reddit gift/book-giver. They wanted to get my email address so that they could send me a Kindle version of my book. I thought that was an awesome idea, so I sent them my email. I then received an email from Amazon, notifying me that I had been given a book, along with a message from my gift-giver:

"I wonder how mysterious this amazon gifting is.

You can probably trace this back to me fairly easily. Enjoy.

More will be on their (their?!) way soon."

I greatly enjoyed their grammar humor!

The book I received is called Mr. Funny Pants. It looks interesting, but isn't something I would have picked out myself. But no fear, I enjoy reading new things!

Here's where it gets awesome(er). My book-giver had assured me that they would still be popping a hard-copy in the mail and I would receive it shortly. I had assumed that said hard-copy would only be another copy of the book they had already sent me digitally. I figured they were just giving me options and covering their bases, as far as the rules of the exchange were concerned.

Today I received a box in the mail. It was a decent sized book, so I was intrigued as to why it would be so large for just one book. The contents of this box turned out to be squeal-inducing in their awesome-ness.

When I first opened the box, I found this:

The paper note was actually on the front of the book, tucked under a zip tie, which was holding the book shut. I was a little confused.... But the note read:

"Keep digging

are there two (three) g's in digging?

-diging?- so wrong.

please be sure to open me. ;)"

At this point, I'm still a little confused as to why I have a George W. Bush book sitting in front of me. But, I figure they included that last line, because I may not have even wanted to open that book. So, considering it was shut with a zip tie, I put it aside and go on to the next thing in the box.

I find this:

The book is called The Next 100 Years: A Forecast for the 21st Century. The post-it on the front reads: "Very fascinating until it stops making sense in the 2030s or 40s. Then it is just entertaining." Hmmm, ok. I like it. I especially like the personal insight. I still have more delving to do... NEXT!

Underneath that I find:

The Joy of Sects. "LOL! It sounds like sex."

At this point, I'm just thinking how awesome it is that this person sent me 3 books! And a Kindle book! I'm mind-blowingly astounded by all the awesome-ness. I can't even think of a better descriptor than awesome to describe it.

Now, I'm thinking that's pretty much it. But I remember the George W. Bush book and the cryptic zip tie. So, I grab up a pair of scissors and cut it open. I'm expecting to maybe find another note, or a bookmark or something similar.

Instead, I find this amazing wonder!

This is probably the best thing I've ever seen. ANOTHER book (A World Out of Time), another note, and a little toy dinosaur! LOL! And, best of all, the note reads:

"Surprises? I can do surprises.

I am pretty sure that this dinosaur is from a cursed package of dinosaurs. The last person to who(m?) I sent one died before it got there. Good luck!"

And, underneath the book, one final note:

"Please fill this with awesome."

My book-giver should win some sort of reward. This has been an epic experience!

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind

2011-02-26T01:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not normally this hippy-ish, but I found this post appealing. As I sit down to give my own answers, I haven't even read all the questions. Yet, I feel the need to reflect and to ponder some things about my life. I know that I've been struggling with a lot of disappointment lately and it's time to examine where I think I'm heading in life. However, I know some of my answers here may further disappoint me.... but that's what I need to work on. :)

These questions have no right or wrong answers.
Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Either 15 or 40... I guess I average out pretty well.
Which is worse, failing or never trying? I'm going to go with never trying.
If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Because we have a hard time taking risks and leaving our comfort zone.... also b/c society forces us into dead end jobs in order to survive.
When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? Right now, yes. But I'm working on fixing that.
What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? There's a lot... separation of church and state, of corporation and state, end corruption and eliminate the two party system. Also, can we just put an end to stupidity and make it physically painful to lie? Like look at the areas of the world wear they actually believe that raping young girls (virgins) will cure AIDS... that's the kind of stupidity I'm talking about.
If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? photography, dancing, acting, singing, playing music, sex, wearing corsets (?), lol.
Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Definitely settling... under the justification that I will one day be doing something worthwhile.
If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? Well... I would seriously do away with any plans to have kids. I'm more than half-way to the grave and wouldn't even get to see them grow up.
To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? That's a damn tricky question, and one that's hard to answer accurately. I've controlled most of my adult life... I haven't let other people make decisions for me, but I also haven't gotten the opportunity to do many things I would like to.
Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Both, unfortunately. I like to do the right thing, but I'm always stuck on doing things right.
You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? Tell them they're being unfair and explain why I disagree.
If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? That's really not a fair question.... no advise you could give a child would be remembered and, even if it was, them implementing it would hinder their own knowledge and development.
Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yes.
Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? I think so... :)
What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Reason... socialize...
How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? I'm not as simple, or as easily abated.
What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back? Start my own Ren circuit act; location and travel are holding me back.
Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Maybe my dreams?
If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? Probably back to PA.... houses are so damn cheap.
Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No, and no.
Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?Why aren't geniuses allowed to be joyful?
Why are you, you? Because I have no other choice than to be honest to myself.
Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Yes.
Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch... that's just laziness.
What are you most grateful for? My wonderful fiance, who takes care of me, loves me, and lets me pursue my silly academics.
Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? It's tought, but I'd have to lose the old ones... there is a lot of bad in there and, yes, I'd lose some good too, but I don't plan on having nearly as much bad shit in my future. Plus, I have a terrible memory as it is, so I've forgotten half of the past already, lol.
Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? I've often had inherent knowledge about things that, when confronted with, just seemed obvious. So, yes.
Has your greatest fear ever come true? My greatest fear is falling... Although I have recently comer face to face with my 2nd greatest fear .
Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now? No, not at all.
What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special? When I finally found out my mom was proud of me...
At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? Probably our recent trip to Vegas, it was just nice to relax and experience new things with my boy. :)
If not now, then when? I'm thinking about 2 years from now.
If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? The will to try again?
Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Of course.
Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Tatemae... or a much too lengthy rant.
Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? Only in some cases.
If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Yes. My job already isn't very important. However, I would still work; just on something I liked more.
Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? I like staying busy, but only if it has meaning.
Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Probably.
When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? Oh.... that's not an idea I'm comfortable with.... hmmm.
If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? My family.
Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? I think I will actually have to say yes to this. However, it is not out of vanity. I don't care about being attractive or famous, but I care about the impact I would have the potential to make if I held some sway and could influence the way of government functions. Basically, if I was famous I could run for office and actually stand a chance of winning.
What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Working toward something, doing things you love, taking time for yourself and those you cherish; doing anything other than going through the motions, day in and day out.
When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? Whenever you have the ability to do so. (Some situations require money or resources that you don't always have.)
If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Perhaps the fear that we should have learned sooner how to avoid it.
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Not wear clothes, lmao.
When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? ... right now.
What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love learning... I finished submitting my grad school applications earlier this week.
In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that? I've always had a terrible memory...
Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? Well.... decisions are being made right now, on my grad school apps, and I wish I didn't have to, but I must allow others to make them.

11:59PM - Rejection Letter

2011-02-18T02:29:00.000-08:00

Well, at least I had prepared myself for this, so I'm not completely distraught...

I got my polite rejection email from UCSD. Now my options are dwindling.

This is the 1st school I've ever been rejected from. I really expected it to be more monumental. In high school I only applied to one college and got accepted... because I knew I could. I actually feared applying to this school, because I didn't think I would be accepted, but I did anyway because I had to try. I suppose it's a good thing I got that fear out of the way. Too bad it had to be on the best school (as far as suiting my needs is concerned).

Now my options are 1) go to mediocre school and get my M.A. 2) go to mediocre school and work on my M.A. for a year and reapply (my GPA was certainly a tragic part of my downfall). 3) go to a good school that's an hour and a half away.... this is, realistically, less of an option than I would like to let myself believe.

If I reapply after getting my M.A., UCSD may approve that work to count toward 4 courses.... basically saying that spending 2 years working on my M.A. is only worth 1 semester of their time. *sigh*

Either way, I'm wasting time. And my life. That's the shitty part. I'm kind of putting all my eggs in one basket with this whole grad school thing....

Of course, if I get my M.A. I'm qualified to teach at any of the plethora of community colleges in the area. It really seems quite pathetic, but so does the whole community college system here. (Well, I can't say just here. I'm not familiar with any other community colleges. We didn't have those in Erie.)

I may also be able to get my teaching credential and just teach dirty, loud children.... *shudder* The only thing that is even moderately appealing about this option is that I can get my student loans forgiven after 5 years of [qualified] full-time teaching. That almost seems worth it.

I'm a miracle worker.

2011-02-06T02:21:00.000-08:00

The boyfriend goes, "You should bake something. You like doing that." I go, "But I don't have the stuff to do that..." I wander out to the kitchen and do a bit of scavenging; an hour later we have No-Bake Coconut Cheesecake. I'm a miracle worker.

Yeah, it's a shitty picture, but the post was too short otherwise.

Comic-Con

2011-02-05T11:19:00.000-08:00

I got my Comic-Con tickets this morning. After about 2 hours of fervently hitting F5, I finally managed to get a confirmation.

What craziness. I know they were avoiding many of the larger companies such as TicketMaster and Amazon, because of the expense - TicketMaster would have charged the customer too much in fees and, apparently, Amazon wanted too much from the actual seller - but, seriously, this shit was ridiculous. We've been waiting months for these tickets, as have thousands of others. I'm pretty sure the majority of us would have preferred a small increase in price (or fees), rather than the inconvenience we have paid with instead.

I think of it like this, I'm making decent money now with my new job and with the time I wasted getting tickets (both today and other days they attempted to sell them) I could have made about $80 or so, if I had spent that time working instead. And I really should have spend this morning working.... I have to leave for a training session and I hate feeling so inadequately prepared.

English Pronunciation Poem

2011-02-05T11:12:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, I do not know where this originated, but I have seen it posted a few times on Facebook and I'm quite fond of it. I've even contemplated doing it as a monologue, though it's been some time now since I've needed one, lol.

If you can correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.

"Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!"
- B. Shaw

Pseudo-spontaneous Disneyland Trip

2011-01-21T11:20:00.001-08:00

I have to admit, San Diego may not be as interesting as I expected, but the ability to go to Disneyland on a whim is pretty fantastic.
Although, it was terrible, the reason we were in the area was for a funeral. However, it wasn't someone we knew personally, the bf knew the husband so he went to be supportive, which I think was very kind of him.
Afterward we had the whole afternoon/evening to ourselves, so we stopped at Disney on the way home. We only stayed for 3 hours, but I actually find it more enjoyable to be able to go in short spurts like that. That way I don't have time to get annoyed by all the people, lol. I also got a ton of great pics, which I will be editing and posting over the next few days. (I have a bad ass camera now and I've been learning to use photoshop, even slight tweaks make my photos look so much more professional. But that's a post for another day.)
The bf took this picture of me. Not only is it awesome, but it is the first picture I've had taken of me in years where I didn't feel the need to crop the rest of my body out. I've lost about 35 lbs in the past year and I'm really proud of myself, it's a pretty amazing feeling. :)

I've started a new job :)

2011-01-18T02:01:00.000-08:00

A job which actually requires some level of education and competency! This is (both fortunately and unfortunately) a big first for me. All the jobs I've had before didn't really require me to be intelligent or learned in any way. They were just jobs you got and they told you what to do, you did it and you got paid. End of story. Well, when I did sound design for theater it wasn't the same sort of mindless drivel.... however, I never considered it really special, b/c even though I loved it, I was literally the only person on campus who knew how to do it. So I was the only choice, lol.
However, this job is awesome. I feel a sense of accomplishment because I had to actually take a test and get a high enough score before they would even offer me the job. I also had to audition and do a standard interview. For those of you who don't know: I'm TERRIBLE at interviews. Absolutely dreadful. Yet, I still managed to do ALL of this and land this job. I'm pleased as punch. :) Although I'm really not sure how pleased punch could truly be... unless it's been carrying on a long-distance relationship with my small intestine and is pleased to have finally arranged a meeting. This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "I want to be inside you."
I might have the sense of humor of a perverse, 15 yr old, nerdy boy....

Now all I need to do is navigate the labyrinthine company website where I am to access all my payroll, training materials and other important information. A tedious task in and of itself. Huzzah, none the less, mother fuckers. :)

I dream of Ph.D....

2011-01-07T01:11:00.000-08:00

So, how long does it typically take to get a response on a graduate school application?? I know they usually take their good, old time with these things, but I'm extremely anxious! I submitted an application to UCSD, the application deadline was December 10. So, it's pretty much been a month now. BUT there's all those bullshit holidays in the middle there that take up everyone's time and tend to close down most university functions. GAH. I know they're probably only just coming back into the office this week and they probably have about 250 applications that the committee needs to review. That makes me wonder.... they started accepting applications in September or something, do they review applications as they receive them or do they just wait for them all to come in and deal with the whole fuck-ton of them? Neither way seems very efficient. :-/

I'm probably going to submit an application to UC Irvine in the next couple days here, as well. I wasn't initially planning to apply there. However, I was checking out the other schools in the UC system, since UC Riverside set me an invitation to apply, and I really like the program they have there. I'm intent on studying Political Theory, but there isn't much practical application in that; I'm ok with that, since I want to be a professor anyway (basically the ONLY application, lol). However, UC Irvine also has a Political Psychology program..... I hadn't really even heard of this before, but it sounds awesome. Literally, I'm in awe. I could even study it in conjunction with Poli Theory. Mmmmm. :) The ONLY problem is (and it's a big one) that UC Irvine is about an hour and half drive from my home. They also only offer full-time study in pursuit of a doctorate (as I have noticed, seems to be the norm everywhere). There is a possibility that I could schedule my classes in such a way as to minimize my amount of travel, but it's unlikely that this would work every single time. The complications are rather annoying....

If I do manage to get accepted into UCSD, I will definitely go there. They have one of the best programs and it's only about 20 minutes from home. I don't have any problems with it. Hell, I could even look into areas of study that focus more on a psychological aspect, if I continue to gain interest in that idea. I figure I will apply to UCI as my back-up, because, even though they're far, they have a doctorate program and offer funding. I'm also going to be applying to SDSU..... as my back-up back-up, lol. This was initially going to be my back-up school, until I found the program at UCI. SDSU is an ok school, I suppose. However, they only offer an M.A. Master's programs tend to have significantly less, if any, funding and that's a pretty big deal. Unfortunately, if I don't get into UCSD, I'm going to be stuck with the choice of a good program with funding and a long drive, or a shitty program with no funding that's close to home. Not an easy choice. While it seems obvious, the amount of money I'd spend on gas would be exorbitant..... and the man and I are probably going to need to invest in a 2nd car, which we eventually need to do anyway.

Ah, dilemmas.....

So, I'm planning a wedding...

2010-12-29T23:35:00.000-08:00

I'm not as excited about this as I'm told I should be, lol. I'm really quite happy, but I'm not looking forward to the expense. Therefore, I'm exploring my options and I'm gonna do as much DIY and "on-the-cheap" things I can.

I'm looking for a dress right now. I'm much more picky about what it looks like than some bullshit designer. I haven't found anything I love yet, but I'm gonna check out the department stores before I enter the dreaded bridal salons.

We're doing the summer wedding thing. But we're doing it on a weekday. I really wanted to do it on the solstice, but that's a Tuesday. Roger said, "Who gives a fuck if it's a Tuesday?" So, we're doing it on the summer solstice. :)

I'm gonna try to see if I can get a friend to take some engagement photos for us. That way they'll be cheap and I can use a picture on our invites. I'm either going to make the invites myself, or do them online through Kinkos or something similar. Depends on the pricing. I'm also gonna make labels to put on candies as wedding favors. I've seen them on hershey kisses and reeses cups before. It's just a fucking sticker on the bottom and they charge HOW much for that? Give me a break! lol. And hair and makeup will be provided via Mom; who used to do makeup for a living. I'm sure I'll think of more things I can do myself to add to this list.

My mom is looking into a possible venue, which seems really nice. If we do use this place it will be all outdoors and we can have the ceremony and the reception both in the same location, which I like. My mom knows someone else who is planning their wedding there and they said the owner of the property is a really fantastic older woman who will help with any and all arrangements you want her to. Since she's been renting out her space in this manner for a long time she knows all the good places to get bargains too, lol. Plus, I'm pretty fond of the notion of a free wedding coordinator coming with the venue. Especially since I'm going to be 2500 miles away until a few days before the wedding!!!!

Also, ceremony? I'm totally not fond of that concept. It seems way too formal for me and that would make me uncomfortable. A wedding is basically just a big party for me, so.... I'm gonna exclude all the bullshit I don't like. Unless Penn Jillette will be my officiant. Seriously. Where else am I going to find an awesome, intelligent, atheistic speaker who can both amuse and engage an audience?? I think I'm screwed, lol.

For now, I'm gonna dump some links here; of things I like and want to consider, in relation to wedding planning:
Real Weddings - A Traditional Wedding in Watertown, MA - White Bridal Bouquet
Real Weddings - A Traditional Wedding in Lost Pines, TX - White Orchid Bouquet
Real Weddings - A Casual Wedding in Denver, CO - White Wedding Bouquet
Real Weddings - A Vintage Wedding in Palmetto, GA - Vintage-style Pink Bouquet
Real Weddings - A Modern Wedding in Pittsburgh, PA - White Wedding Bouquet
Real Weddings - A Modern Wedding in Austin,TX - White Wedding Bouquet
Real Weddings - A Forrest Wedding in Estes Park, CO - White Wedding Bouquet
Real Weddings - A Traditional Wedding in Cambridge, MA - Pink Bridal Bouquet

Don't read this if you don't want to hear about my VAGINA, lol

2010-12-24T01:17:00.000-08:00

Preface: I recently had an IUD (also: IUC) inserted. For me this was a very painful and excruciating experience. It happened about 2 weeks ago, but I've started to have a little pain again over the last day or 2.

What follows is a pretty awesome chat convo:

K: So is your new birthcontrol still bothering you?

Me: I'm not sure if it's that or not. :/

I thought I might be starting my period b/c I'm having sporadic, sudden cramps and some spotting, but.... it's way too soon for my period again.

I think my body might just be adjusting to not having all the BC hormones and it's confused.

K: Oh I see...could you just be progo? Haha

Me: No. Bad answer. lol

K: Hahaha that woukd suck..

Me: Also, they tested me before putting my new thing in

After work, when I was complaining to Roger about it, I actually said that they "installed" it in me.

lmao

K: Like its a new program they just put in you... Hahaha

Youre updated now! You got the lastest software yay!

Me: Hahaha, yeah.... I was obviously at work too long.

Software, for your Gine.

K: Well I guess in this case its hardware...

Me: Ah, true. Upgrade my built-in anti-virus protection.

K: hahahahahahaha

Me: damn hackers, always trying to spam my uterus

K: Sav wants to know if its upnp?

Me: what?

Oh. OOOOOOOOH.

I'm slow!

hahah

And I guess it is.... but, it's on a private network.

K: oh thats good, you dont want that available a public network

Me: Yeah, no way. It's definitely encrypted.

K: Ok wow! We are EXTREMELY nerdy!

Me: Yes.... I realize this. rofl.

Esco Faire

2010-11-08T13:52:00.000-08:00

So, I had a good time this past weekend. I went to the small Ren Faire in Escondido. I met up with some people I haven't seen in a long time and others that I hadn't previously ever seen in person. I even met up with an old high school friend from PA, whom I haven't seen since mid-college (about 4-5 years ago). Strange to see where people end up in the world.

The faire runs for 2 weekends only, which is actually really shitty. I didn't make it the 1st day last weekend, but I made it the other 3 days. Apparently I change my costume too much, lol. Every day I dressed differently and did something different; this is a big change from being on cast at GLMF where I had to wear the exact same thing for 6 weekends straight - I think I got a bit carried away with this freedom, lol. The only problem is that I have a hard time talking to people b/c they don't realize I'm the same person once I'm dressed differently. This happens at faire a lot - you remember someone by their costume or a bit they were doing and it's hard to recognize them without it. I can't blame anyone, I never pay attention to faces.... I notice details that stand out and once faire is done those are usually gone.

The first day I went was Halloween, which I already talked about - I went as a zombie. This Saturday I brought Dahlia - my Tegu. I wanted to let him get some time out of the house, as we can't take him for walks or anything because our apartment's management doesn't know we have him. I figured he be a bit of an attraction, but I'm used to that when I take him out. OH MY GOD. I seriously under-estimated the amount of attention that he drew. I could barely walk 5 feet without getting stopped by at least 1 person. While I was stopped for 1 person a whole crowd would form. I should have charged for pictures.... I would have made a killing. Luckily Dahlia was a sweetie and was really well behaved. He walked around on his leash or I held him and only got 1 or 2 scratches. I felt bad for the people I was hanging out with though. Every time we tried to walk somewhere it took forever, because of how much we were getting stopped. I answered the same questions about Dahlia so many times that my friends started to rattle off the answers for me, so I could take a break, lol. By the end of the day Dahlia was so tired. And my arms were tired just from holding him all day.

The final day of faire I brought my cup. Yeah, this doesn't sound very impressive, but apparently it is. At GLMF it was common for a lot of the cast to walk around with our mugs on our heads. It was a nice passive-lotsy sort of bit that entertained patrons when we were too tired or had to walk across the faire grounds to get somewhere. It was common, a few people got a kick out of it, but it wasn't very impressive. We also never did it with anything made of glass; the cast typically steered away from glass drinking vessels as the faire grounds most mostly gravel. I have this really fancy looking, blue glass chalice that I now do it with. It's more difficult than a mug because the top is bigger and heavier than the base, but it sits perfectly on my head. I guess this just looks more impressive..... I don't have to worry about dropping it since 90% of the faire grounds are soft grass. I did this when I went to faire in the spring as well, so this has become how people recognize me. I love doing something relatively simple that others seem to think is difficult and are easily impressed by! I got my picture taken almost as much as the day before. I had a good time; and that's what counts.

In past I had begun learning to belly dance with the cup on my head. I couldn't do it this weekend because of the corset I had on, but I'm going to learn a little more for a belly dancer character/costume I may do in the future. The future where I'm comfortable showing off my stomach.... not sure when that will be, lol.

Unfortunately, the only bad thing about this weekend was what a poor excuse for a faire Esco really is. It was good to be able to get a faire fix relatively close to home, but it's not the real deal. The faire is tiny. There is ZERO street cast. They have a Queen that does walk around with her procession, but.... that's it. The guilds camp out in there encampments most of the time and go out to do a few interesting things. The guild I was hanging out with staged some bar fights and such, which is really interesting, but they don't really draw much of a crowd b/c they're not planning out well. They don't announce what's going on or anything. They have a "Battle Pageant" every day... it's..... different. It could be good.... I mean, it has potential. Unfortunately, it's more for the benefit of the guilds than the crowd. They announce things to the crowd, but you can never hear any of what they're saying. They make an attempt at dialogue to explain why they're fighting but you can never hear that either. I've attended on multiple occasions and it hasn't ever been better. All this faire seems to do is whet my appetite for real faire with atmosphere and presence. It doesn't help that they only do 2 weekends at a time.... it leaves no room for development and growth for those that participate. I know that for many I have met here this is their home faire: I'm sorry. I'm not trying to lessen the experiences many have had at this faire, but it's really just not enough for me.

P.S. I'm eagerly awaiting pictures from this weekend. I'll link or post some once I get ahold of them from others.

Halloween - cont'd (original costume pics)

2010-11-01T18:30:00.000-07:00

Halloween '10 - Zombie Pirate / Beaten [Pirate-] Housewife....

2010-11-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

This is my Halloween makeup without the rest of my costume. Essentially the makeup was the costume so it doesn't matter what I was wearing. In this outfit I look like a beaten housewife.

The rest of the day I was at the Ren Faire in Escondido, so I was dressed up as a pirate - I was supposed to be a zombie pirate, but the bottom layer of makeup I did, which included slightly greenish skin and a ton of discolored bruises, didn't really show up anymore after I put the blood over it. Initially the costume included an eye-patch as well - the idea being that my eye had been ripped out - but..... I quickly discovered that you have extremely poor depth perception with only one eye. :( If I would have been at GLMF it probably wouldn't have been a problem, since I know the faire grounds like the back of my hand, but at this faire it just didn't work. So I quickly ditched the idea patch.

I also got many random comments.... some complimenting my makeup, but many more joking around about woman beating; people telling me to leave that man and what not. I think the creepiest part about this was that I got hit on - A LOT. Apparently guys find women that have been beaten incredibly sexy..... that just disturbs me.

BATS!

2010-10-30T01:58:00.000-07:00

I finally did my Halloween decorating.... that I've been tentatively planning since the beginning of the month.

It's BATS! I've never really been a fan of bats.... I didn't dislike them, but I wasn't drawn to them. I was always more fond of blood and skulls and things that are generally more jarring to the senses. But I fell in love with this idea I had. Now my entire living room is being invaded by bats. :) They are even lurking outside my front door. My next door neighbor has done a TON of decorating outside these last 2 days, so there's pretty much nothing for me to do out there, lol.

This is my neighbor's apartment:

This is outside of my apartment:

And THIS is my living room:

I'm engaged!

2010-10-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

My ring finally came in the mail today! Roger surprised me with it when I got home from work; we didn't think it would be here until tomorrow. :) It was custom made, which is why we were waiting for it. It turned out awesome. :) I totally love it!

This is why we can't have nice things!

2010-10-20T02:07:00.000-07:00

Because our cats like to do this:

Almost every day. *shakes head*

The Unlikely Bride

2010-10-20T01:29:00.000-07:00

Model: Paige Elexis
Copyright 2010 Mallory Fauve

more photos

2010-07-30T04:14:00.000-07:00

Photography

2010-07-30T04:11:00.000-07:00

Re-covered the couch

2010-07-30T03:41:00.000-07:00

Finally got around to uploading a pic; this is what the couch looks like now!

DIY redecorating - and LOVING it!

2010-07-22T03:15:00.000-07:00

Couch is DONE! w00t! So... what started off as just putting a slip cover over the couch kind of turned into essentially re-upholstering it, lol. But it looks sweet, so I'm happy. I'm going to make a couple throw pillows to draw in some more of the color from the curtains we got and maybe add a throw on the back of the couch too..... the cats think that is their personal bed and it makes cleaning the fur off way easier. Pics are on the way, probably tomorrow.

Next projects: fix boyfriend's uniforms, partial re-arrange of living room, throw pillows, finish living room curtains, build headboard and siding for bed.

What do I want?

2010-07-13T03:45:00.001-07:00

My boyfriend recently asked me what I wanted and what would make me happy. I over-reacted at this simple gesture, because I mistakenly thought that he was inferring that he believed I was not happy. After getting myself all worked up over nothing he explained that that wasn't what he meant, he just wants to make me happy. I in turn explained that I didn't need him to buy me things to to keep me happy, there will always be things I want, but not often things I need.

There are many things I want; many of them contradictory. There are few things I need. I can be whimsical at times, but I don't tend to be impractical. I want to lose weight. I want an awesome DSLR. I want motivation to achieve whatever it is I choose to set my mind to. I want to be able to make up my mind to begin with. I want a whip. I want corsets. I want leather. I want shoes. I want to get married, but I'm secretly terrified of it. I want to be amazing; sometimes I think I am. I want to be successful. I want to have a job doing something I love and find fulfilling, but sometimes I don't want a job at all. I want to go back to school. I want to not be afraid of rejection. I want to be talented; I feel that I am, but I'm a jack of all trades and don't really shine at any one thing. I want to see my family. I want to have people in my life that I care about in some capacity. I want an electric piano. I want a bamboo tenor sax. I want dental insurance. I want to be fearless. I want to rid myself of chronic headaches. I want a photographic memory; or at least a good normal memory. I want nail polish that doesn't chip and hair that does what it's supposed to. I want a hammock. I want quiet time with the man that I love. And I want to be sappy sometimes and get away with it. I want to help my family. I want to fix the government and our country. I want birth control without side effects! I want net neutrality. I want to abolish the two-party political system. I want to always be able to add something, meaningful or otherwise, to this list.

Most of all, I want to believe that all of this is possible, attainable and within my grasp. I don't want to wait to live my life until it's too late. I'm so happy with where I am currently in the world that I don't want to become complacent and forget that I still have more to do with myself.

Planning is the 1st step toward Procrastination

2010-06-24T02:05:00.000-07:00

Things I would like to work on:

- developing a photography portfolio
- get some writing done that can be used as good samples, preferably concentrating on a specific category of reporting or similar style

Neither of those would be very difficult if I could actually get my act together and just do it. The photography is theoretically easier, but most of my work lacks portraits.... or humans. This is mostly an artistic choice, and I stand by it. But, if I would like to possibly submit the portfolio in hope of finding work then I really need to get some good "people shots." I would also need a better camera..... or perhaps I would be better suited to learn some editing techniques and start touching up my current work.

Things I NEED to do, rather than want to:

Take my GRE.... study for my GRE.... sign up for a fucking date to take my GRE.

Obviously not quite in that order. I'm still moderately dreading it. Plus I'm double bad at studying without a deadline. I work well under pressure, extremely well in many cases. Without that pressure I simply don't work... not very productive there. So, the new plan is to see how far in advance I can schedule my GRE test date. That way I will be forcing myself into a deadline, but I will also still be giving myself as much time as I can spare. I need to get my application together for submission by September. I still need to email two Poli Theory profs and cross my fingers, too. Then I need to eventually find my 3rd recommendation letter....

*le sigh*

And now, a picture that makes anyone feel better:
The gorgeous Deborah Ann Woll, as True Blood's Jessica Hamby.

(I have not yet been able to locate the source to properly credit this photo. If anyone has that information, I would very much like to have it.)

7 Months of San Diego

2010-06-22T16:09:00.000-07:00

I should really post something more than once a month.... at least slightly more.

Yesterday the radio traffic report informed me that the highway was full of teddy bears. Unfortunately it was not the highway that I was on. If it had been I may have stopped for a souvenir, or at least an interesting photo. I haven't been doing much real photography lately, so it would have been nice to get some interesting shots. San Diego is a beautiful place, but most of the sights are very.... photo typical. It's not really anything that hasn't been seen or that would peak any interest. I'd really like to get a decent portfolio going so that I could possibly get some work doing wedding photography. I would also need a better camera though. Something that has been on my "WANT" list for a couple years now, but has never made its way to top priority. I mean, how could it when there are super important things like whips, corsets and knives to buy??! lol.

In other news, I've discovered over the past few months that I mesh well with San Diego drivers. I've always been an aggressive driver, which never really suited my previous demographic. It blends well here. Some drivers can be assholes, but it's that way no matter where you are. For the most part I have discovered that San Diego drivers will let you do/go where you want as long as you take the initiative. If you are hesitant, it won't work. If you sit there, slow down and wait for someone to let you in.... it might work, but not in real traffic, only if you're coming out of a parking lot or something. If you just take your car and put it where you need to be, people will make way for you. It seems to be a mutual thing of respect even, lol. Oh, and you have to be driving fast - always - in order for this to work. But... that's never been much of a problem for me.

I also have gotten so used to 4+ lane highways, that I now feel cramped when driving on a 2-3 lane highway. I was never really afraid of big highways though.... like pretty much everyone back home.

Until next time, kids; hit me up with photography suggestions - my creativity is currently void.

Why blog?

2010-06-04T05:39:00.000-07:00

Why, oh why, do I want to write things anywhere other than on you?

I guess I will have to explore this problem later..... as I have gotten used to a 5am bedtime, but it's already 5:40am; waaaaay past my bedtime.

In other news, Red Dead Redemption is h4wt. I will elaborate later.

It's like Wizard of Oz meets Fallout 3

2010-05-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

I'm totally loving this pic.

It's What Syfy's lame 'Tin Man' should have been (pic) -- The Live Feed | THR

US Soldiers in Afghanistan Remake Lady Gaga Video - Tonic

2010-04-30T21:56:00.000-07:00

This is awesome, hilarious and creepily well-done. The one guy can really dance, lol. So much for "Don't Ask, Don't tell".... tehe, I kid, I kid.

US Soldiers in Afghanistan Remake Lady Gaga Video - Tonic

A Beautiful Sentiment

2010-04-23T00:48:00.002-07:00

"If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting that you shall learn what you have no taste or capacity for. The college, which should be a place of delightful labor, is made odious and unhealthy, and the young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded spirits. I would have the studies elective. Scholarship is to be created not by compulsion, but by awakening a pure interest in knowledge. The wise instructor accomplishes this by opening to his pupils precisely the attractions the study has for himself. The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Richard Dawkins: I will arrest Pope Benedict XVI -Times Online

2010-04-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

Richard Dawkins: I will arrest Pope Benedict XVI -Times Online

I'm having a video loving day.

2010-04-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

Watch my cornucopia:

San Diego Radio

2010-04-09T05:14:00.000-07:00

San Diego radio stations play way too much of music that is best heard seldomly. There are many bands and songs that are still enjoyable when you hear them on the radio because they have a certain sense of nostalgia to them. Yet, those same songs become a nuisance when heard with a greater frequency.

This is the formula for San Diego radio. They take songs that are enjoyable when heard once in a blue moon and, apparently using the assumption that you can't have too much of a good thing, they play these songs and others by the same bands way more than anyone (in their right mind) would ever want to hear them. It takes songs that I don't normally mind and makes them mind-numbing.

Some bands that are played way too much for enjoyment include: Tool, Offspring, Everlast, Nirvana. Just off the top of my head.

I don't think I've heard the song Hash Pipe, by Weezer, played on the radio in years. When I heard it a week or two ago, I wasn't put out by it and was able to initially enjoy it in that "oh man, I haven't heard this in years!" sort of way. Now I've heard that song on the radio 3 or 4 more times in the past week. The same has happened with a number of Tool and Offspring songs as well.

Radio here is hit or miss. There are good days and there are bad days. For example, the other day was a good day. I got in the car, flipped through the stations and almost immediately found "Closer" by NIN playing. I was instantly pleased b/c I don't hear NIN on the radio very often. I rolled down the windows, turned the volume up and jammed out happily. When it was over, some terrible song came on. I once again flipped through the stations only to miraculously found more NIN playing - "The Hand That Feeds" - this time on a different station. All in all, this pretty much made my day. However, there are also days like this morning: as I'm dropping the boyfriend off for work "Smells Like Teen Spirit" comes on. At first it's just background noise and I'm not paying attention. After saying goodbye to the boyfriend (by this time almost to the middle of the song) I realize I can't continue listening to Nirvana and I change the station. Only to find the exact same song, just beginning, on another station. Seriously? Was someone at that station listening to other one going, "Hmmm, Nirvana, that's a good idea!" This tragedy was only remedied by the fact that another switch of the station led me to "Don't Stop Believing", which pretty much makes any situation better. San

Alas, there are about 5-6 radio stations that don't completely suck. None of them are good enough to listen to all the time though, I have to constantly change between them. I had hoped that moving to a big city I would at least have better radio options.... well, I guess technically having any stations that don't suck 95% of the time is actually better than normal, lol.

A Horse is a Horse, of course

2010-04-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

Some guy I spoke to on the phone at work the other night definitely offered me a horse, in exchange for fixing his email. I told him I would have taken him up on the offer, except that I had no where to keep a horse, lol.

The problem was that the guy lives out in the country, where he can have his horses, but because he lives in the country the only internet access he has available is DIAL-UP. That's just plain cruel right there. Other countries have deemed high-speed internet to be a basic human right and, although I think that's a little bit silly, I do still think that we have a long way to go in this country to getting everyone affordable high-speed internet access. I just don't think we need to call it a basic human right in order to convey that this is something everyone is entitled to.

Anywho, I had really already fixed the guy's problem before he even offered me the horse. But since he had dial-up and was on the phone with me (haha, 7th grade memories) he couldn't actually test what I had told him until he was off the phone. Plus I couldn't tell him what steps to take with 100% certainty because he didn't even know what browser he was using.... yeesh... when I asked he told me Net Zero, lol. I'm like, ok.... well, they could have their own browser built-in, similar in evil to AOL.

But when he FINALLY did get off the phone with me he never called back. The phones were dead for most of the night too, so that means it must have worked. It also means he now owes me a horse. Although he did say that he had one crappy horse.... I wonder what qualifies a horse as crappy. My boyfriend said I should have asked him if his horse was amazing.... or if it tasted like raisins.

Frankly, this horse is supposed to be amazing, but it looks pretty crappy to me:

Womanly Endeavors

2010-04-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

Today I cooked.

Since I'm dieting I don't like to eat very much. The fact of the matter is that I'm not hungry very much and I'm trying to avoid eating unless I'm hungry. I've discovered if I eat a big lunch in the mid-afternoon that it does me good for pretty much the whole day. I don't get hungry much sooner than that, considering my typical day begins around 10. It also helps b/c if I'm going to work in the evening I will have just eaten before leaving for work, thusly eliminating the dangerous potential for getting hungry at work and eating something terrible.

It also works out pretty good with the boyfriend's schedule. If I cook a late lunch for me it ends up being an early dinner for him as well. Plus if I make enough he still has food when I go to work.

So today I made that time-honored, family-dreading cliche that is a CASSEROLE. Haha. It was the first casserole I ever made. I'm not entirely sure if the boyfriend is sold on the idea of shoving all your food together, but he seemed to enjoy it. I'm pretty content with making one thing, but he tends to gravitate toward a more rounded meal, i.e. meat and potatoes (or at least side dishes of some sort). It still had meat in it, chicken to be precise, as I doubt my boyfriend would be capable of eating a meal that lacked meat, lol. (Although he has developed a recent fondness for tofu...) I mixed in a variety of veggies: carrots, broccoli and water chestnuts, and topped it with stuffing. I thought it was yummy, only problem is there is a TON leftover. I guess I will be eating it again tomorrow.

New layout

2010-04-06T11:42:00.000-07:00

I say "Huzzah!" for the stretch layout I have changed to. Now I no longer shall suffer the evils of my posts being cramped into narrow columns and my embedded videos being cut off prematurely on the right side!! It makes everything look more streamlined. I'm quite pleased with it.

Easter Earthquake

2010-04-06T00:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Easter or, as the boyfriend and I like to call it, Eatser. I actually cooked. It was pretty fun, lol. I made a ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn, sweet potato casserole, etc. Well, technically the boyfriend made the sweet potatoes, but anyway... The food was surprisingly good; I'm always surprised when I cook and it turns out good. The only thing that I royally fucked up was the gravy. I had no idea what I was doing.... put in way too much corn starch. I was pretty upset about it and felt that I had ruined the whole meal. But my boyfriend comes along and he's just like, "Ohh, it's not so bad." He watered it down and made it edible. I still didn't think it was very good, but he ate it. I'm not sure if he just ate it to make me feel better, but I appreciate his effort either way. <3 He also made me feel better by letting my know that children world-wide would rejoice at the fact that I had made ham-flavored GAK. Which is definitely what it was, lol.

After all that, he's cleaning up from dinner and I'm making my apple pie. I had to wait until after dinner.... I'm not yet very good at multi-tasking while cooking, lol. So, I'm putting the pie crust on when it seems like someone in the apartment above us is running..... Except it didn't stop. I was pretty confused. I look at the boyfriend, we exchange looks of "qua?" and then he says, "Earthquake." Even when he said it I was thinking there was no way we were having an earthquake, lol. But.... as the shaking didn't subside, I realized that was pretty much the only option. Luckily, the boyfriend knew that you're supposed to go outside during earthquakes (something which I was completely unaware of) and we hurried outside just as all our neighbors were running out as well.

The whole thing only lasted a minute or so and didn't really seem very frightening. I admit I was uncomfortable, but it is moreso due to the fact that an earthquake is one of those situations where you can do nothing except wait. We stood outside and waited, while the worst of the shaking subsided. We could see other apartments where the glass in the windows and doors looked like it was rippling.

Afterward we went back inside and continued what we had been doing. We felt 2 or 3 very small aftershocks in the following hour or so, but that was pretty much it. Nothing had fallen down or broken. The shaking had seemed pretty minor. I was pretty shocked when it was later reported to have been a magnitude 7.2 earthquake.... it certainly didn't seem like much. But the epicenter was also a bit south of us, in Mexico, so I'm sure the further north we were the less we felt.

I texted my family to tell them about my abnormally eventful holiday and, of course, was met with many responses of worry and concern, which I quickly abated as unnecessary. Many San Diego natives that I spoke with said that this is the first time they have felt an earthquake after living here many years. That's comforting, lol. I didn't think it was very bad, but I wouldn't want them to become a frequent and, potentially, worsening occurrence.

Huzzah for new experiences and excitement - way cheaper than a roller coaster and less motion-sickness!

Lady Gaga guilt.....

2010-04-06T00:26:00.000-07:00

This is probably the most incredible thing I've seen in a long time. It also feeds my guilty liking of Lady Gaga. I seriously do think she should do some work with Marilyn Manson. She is making the impact she wants in a genre where it doesn't seem possible. Her lyrics and style are very dark, I would really like to see that reflected in her music.

Yuffie Cloak

2010-03-24T20:43:00.000-07:00

I have wanted for a very long time now to make a version of this cloak:

Though I would like the hat hat be a hood.

Still..... I can't decide on materials and I fear that, even if I did, I am not skilled enough to pull it off.
I would have liked to make it from scrap leather. However, that seemed more practical in PA..... I don't know how often I'd be able to wear leather in San Diego without cooking myself alive. I will have to explore my options. :)

Sam Harris' lecture at TED

2010-03-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

I have never heard of Sam Harris before, but I'm interested in his work now; based solely off of this brief bio:
"Adored by secularists, feared by the pious, Sam Harris' best-selling books argue that religion is ruinous and, worse, stupid -- and that questioning religious faith might just save civilization."

This is extremely thought-provoking. The concept is a very interesting exploration....

Video Time

2010-03-20T17:31:00.001-07:00

This is quite good. I'm a bit peeved that embedding is disabled.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLTqecGbdCc

The "ear scene" from Reservoir Dogs. Along with "Stuck in the Middle With You." A fantastic song that cannot be heard without bringing Res Dogs to mind.

Also, a new St. Patty's day piece from College Humor that I found quite amusing:

(the embed works, but it's supposed to be wide screen. If you'd like to view it without cutting off the right edge of the video go here: http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1930647)

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Evil Facebooking

2010-03-20T16:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging. I've been lazy. Well... moreso I've been facebooking. It's evil, you see. Anytime there is something I would normally blog about I just bitch about it briefly on facebook instead.

So, in an attempt to remedy this I'm going to go back through my facebook and post some of the more deserving bits here; where they belong. There may be a bit of rehashing and the events may not be 100% up to date, but I'm only going back through my last month's activity, so it's not going to be too irrelevant. We'll see.

I'm hoping to then get in the habit of posting things on here, rather than on facebook. The only nice thing about facebook, currently, is the potential for feedback that is quickly generated. I will have to connect with more people on blogger to correct that, as well.

Omg! It's the ipad! (Everybody fellates Steve Jobs.)

2010-01-27T14:40:00.000-08:00

Apple unveils iPad. Basically an oversized iPod touch. Highly unportable. Costs a billion fucking dollars. Naive general public goes nuts. Everybody else goes "WTF?"

http://www.pcworld.com/article/187956/hands_on_with_the_apple_ipad.html

Dreams make no sense....

2010-01-18T07:28:00.003-08:00

I had to drag myself out of bed b/c the dreams I was having were way too creepy. However, at some point in time I was aware that I was dreaming and was even able to consciously wake myself up. I've never been able to do that in a dream before. Most of my dreams go completely forgotten.

It began with me sitting on a large hillside, or perhaps even a mountain side. There were 3 men there, but I did not know any of them. We had apparently just done something illegal and had obtained a lot of cash. I don't remember what it was, but I know we each had wads of money. For some odd reason we had a bunch of point and shoot cameras that kind of sucked, but I was trying to figure out which one was going to work the best. There was one guy who was definitely in charge and he needed us to take pictures of something important...don't remember what. As I was going through the cameras, I was using each one to see how they worked. I got to this one that was pretty decent so I was taking some test pictures. I looked across the way and there was another mountainside. I saw a vehicle driving so I tried taking a pic to see how well it captured motion. The camera automatically zoomed in on the vehicle. At first we were bitching b/c we didn't want a camera that closed in on whatever it thought the subject of the photo was, but then we began to watch what was happening to the vehicle. It wasn't very clear (they were pretty far away), but they got out of their vehicle, some men came over the top of the hill and shot a few of them. Both groups were wearing some sort of uniform, so we couldn't figure out who exactly the good guys and bad guys were. All I can say is that the ones who did the shooting left afterward..... good guys would normally have to stay and report those things. After we saw this the guy in charge of my group told us we needed to ditch a lot of the cash we had to be safe. Most of us did, but the one guy showed me that he still had a lot of cash he was holding onto for himself. I was also told I could keep a piece of jewelry, which turned out to be my snake bracelet. I was wearing it in my dream even, lol.
After this I was suddenly outside of my mom's house. The house was different. It was in a somewhat quiet area and was extremely old. It was the sort of house that would have been extremely valuable and beautiful had to been properly cared for, but it had not. It wasn't in disrepair, just kind of shabby. I remember there being 2 camera boxes sitting on the porch when I walked in the front door. For some reason the mailman, or some similar delivery person, was supposed to be bringing a new camera and taking the boxes. I thought it odd that I had a recurring camera theme in my dream. I went inside and spoke with my mom, who had apparently starting using usenet.... I'm not sure why. I logged on my computer to see if she had actually learned how to post things on forums and, sure enough, I easily found her. Her handle was "Thirty1inHumanTwenty1inRabbit"..... it obviously didn't matter that my mom is 43, lol. I remember talking to her for awhile and how I wanted this really large, antique looking wardrobe that was in her living room. She wasn't using it. Instead she had covered the outside of it with cutouts of celebrities/characters from movies and a lot of other random things. It was all covered in posters or cutouts for sure though. The wardrobe was also sitting on top of another table.... not sure why again.
The dream then skipped ahead quite a bit. Before it had been light out and, despite weird things happening, the vibe had been calm. Suddenly I'm standing next to my car in an alleyway. It's completely dark outside and the alley is lined with fences. One of these fences is only chain-link and I can see into the yard there. There was a spicket coming out of the ground in the end of the yard with a shower head on it... although it was only about knee-height. I was standing next to the car doing something, though I don't recall what, when the spicket suddenly turned on. I became scared that someone was going to come outside and catch me so I decided I would leave and come back for the car shortly. I ran around a dark area that had tons of fences. I couldn't find anywhere to go. Every time I could see a way to go I would find there was an array of fences blocking my way. I was consciously aware of the fact that my dream had simply dropped me in that alleyway. I was pissed of because I knew if I had been able to remember how I had gotten there I would be more familiar with the area and would be able to get out. At one point in time I even circled around and found myself on the other end of the alley I had begun at. There wasn't anyone there, but I still didn't think it was safe to run back and grab the car.
I eventually found a building that had stairs going into it right from the ground level. The halls of the building were all open-air, so I could see up into it and see that it was also creepily lit up. There was a janitor visible on one of the levels who either told me I could come up, or simply gestured.... I can't recall. I went upstairs and spoke with him without actually remembering what was said. At some point in time though I gained the ability to clean anything. Yeah.... I know that sounds really weird. I believe I was supposed to be helping the janitor clean in exchange for staying there for a little while until I thought I could go back to my car. I had this short, metal rod with a sponge or rag or something, on the end of it. I was using this to clean things. For whatever reason, whenever I rubbed things with it they became instantly spotless. I'm not sure if the power was mine or the rod's, but I do know that it was a power. I remember the place being very creepy, and the lighting reminded me of a mental ward at night time. There was that faint, yellowish lighting that's only used before something bad happens. Somehow the fact that I was able to clean things was making the place seem less creepy.... things were literally sparkling after I had cleaned them. Eventually I came to a small, dingy bathroom. It was completely dirty. I went in and looked in the mirror; more creepy lighting. It was very confined and I was off alone somewhere. I started using the cleaning stick to clean it and nothing happened. I started to get upset and tried to clean it more vigorously. I tried to do it manually instead of using the "magic", but neither approach worked. I eventually became very frustrated and knew that something was wrong with the place. I punched the end of the rod into the wall repeatedly and could hear that it was somewhat hollow, but I could not break it. The vibe here was really, really wrong. I know it sounds dumb... I was in a messy bathroom or, moreso, a bathroom that wasn't able to come clean. But the vibe was horror-film, "something bad is about to happen, why can't the characters see it, b/c the audience sure as hell can?!" I woke myself up. I was apparently conscious enough to know that I didn't want to stick around. I woke up with that same bad feeling.... I went and turned on all the lights.

Sometimes my array of tabs amuses me...

2010-01-11T01:11:00.000-08:00

I had way too many tabs open, so I went to close some. This proved to be rather amusing. Tonight, the tabs I have open included:

UCSD Poli Sci Department Staff listings
ZOYA: Nail Polish
Renaissance Festival.com
Society for Creative Anachronism
NFL.com
ESPN playoffs page
Facebook
Gmail
San Diego House Rabbit Society
DisapprovingRabbits.com
Women's Health
Blogger (obviously)
Avian & Exotic Animal Hospital of San Diego
Google image search for - "Kinkajou" (most adorable pictures ever)

I obviously love animals.... and ren faires, lol. But I find it funny that I had the nail polish tab open right next to the NFL tab. Wow... I confuse myself sometimes. Painting nails and watching the playoffs; that's some good shit right there.

I now decided that I also needed to open another tab:

Budk.com

My viewing or drooling over weaponry has been neglected lately and this is the perfect time to remedy that. :)

R.I.P. Steve Arrington - Another day in Erie, PA

2010-01-06T14:50:00.002-08:00

"By the time you hear the siren
It's already too late
One goes to the morgue and the other to jail
One guy's wasted and the other's a waste
It goes down the same as the thousands before
No one's getting smarter
No one's learning to score..."

http://www.wicu12.com/news/index.vnss?newsid=8806&type=News
http://yourerie.com/content/fulltext/?cid=92961
http://geedit.sx.atl.publicus.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100106/NEWS02/301059889
http://www.wicu12.com/news/index.vnss?newsid=8810&type=News
http://www.wicu12.com/news/index.vnss?newsid=8808&type=News

I really don't care to make much commentary here, as there's not much I can say. I wish things in Erie were different, there are still a lot of people there I care about. I'm glad I'm not there anymore though, because of things like this.

I wish people weren't so stupid.... I don't know why the kid decided shooting someone sounded like a good idea, but I think the fact that he turned himself in shows that he didn't intend to kill him.... only to shoot him. People need to understand that hurting someone is exactly that. Guns aren't something you play with. Bullets do damage, that's what they're intended to do. Don't shoot someone unless you plan to kill them..... and if you do, maybe you should have a good fucking reason. I'm glad the kid is getting charged as an adult though. 17 is old enough to know better. Now another kid will grow up without knowing his father.

Also, Erie cops are worthless. The video isn't loading anymore, but one of the first people there was this old, black guy who they interviewed on this news. He spoke with Steve while he was laying on the ground bleeding. He saw the gun and saw that he had been shot and called 911; 911 had already been called. He then saw a police cruiser driving past, he flagged the officer down and told him that there was a man who had been shot, who was laying in the snow bleeding..... the officer told him he couldn't stop. It might not have made a difference, but the fact of the matter is... isn't that what cops are supposed to do? Stop when something bad happens. He didn't need to go chasing after the shooter or anything. He could have simply stopped and offered aid to someone who was dying. But no, Erie police don't seem to do that. Perhaps the neighborhood was too bad for the officer to want to get out of his vehicle.... such bullshit.

Sherlock Holmes

2010-01-06T01:34:00.000-08:00

Iron Man + Sherlock Holmes = YUM.

I only really say that because Iron Man was when I first really noticed Robert Downey Jr. And after reading about his sordid past I understand why. Now I absolutely love him. I don't usually both with celebrities, but if I had to pick my favorite actors/actresses he would be among them. (I avoid saying that I would pick him for my 1 favorite b/c I avoid those sort of choices all together.)

The movie was pretty awesome. I always adore anything set in that time frame. Although I like knowing that there will be a sequel, I do kind of get annoyed when the ignore ending the movie by replacing an ending with a cliffhanger that leaves you waiting for the sequel. I would rather have resolution, and then a bit of a hint of "maybe". It was brilliant regardless.

Plus, now that I have Robert Downey Jr mentally pictured as Sherlock Holmes, I might be able to finally read the books. :)

I eagerly awaited the sequel, along with Iron Man 2, of course.

OCD: Oranges

2010-01-06T01:11:00.000-08:00

If I'm eating oranges or bananas I cannot eat the stringy part underneath the peel. You know the part I'm talking about. And, now that I'm talking about it, I wonder if that part has a name.... I'm sure it must. Anyway, I can't eat the creepy, stringy, white stuff.... on the fruit! gah. It drives me insane. Though I have gotten better. I used to be alot worse with oranges. You know how they are segmented into smaller pieces that are each incased in a thin membrane/skin? Yeah.... I used to be so bad that I would painstakingly peel all of that off too, and only eat the individual citrus beads. I think time constraints finally rid me of that habit though, it made it nearly impossible to eat an orange in under 45 minutes. And I quite like oranges. Also, citrus beads? I'm sure there must be a more appropriate word for those, but I'm too tired right now to realize what it is.

Ado.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot....

2010-01-03T21:46:00.000-08:00

it's New Years. woop-dee-fucking-doo. Oh well, I don't really make new years resolutions. I just reiterate the things I'm always telling myself I need to get done.

I still want to lose weight. I have trouble getting in the mode of eating better, but once I start I can usually stick with it for a month or so, before it gets tough. It's hard to eat right when the boyfriend always wants me to cook dinner, but I'm just going to be straight about it. If he wants stuff to eat that I think is bad for me, then I will cook it for him and not myself. No big deal there.

I've got less hours at work now that the holidays are done. This helps ALOT. It gives me some extra time to think about myself, exercise and when I'm not in a hurry on my lunch break there will be no excuse to eat fast food!

Ok, new years may be dumb, but I think I'm pretty excited about this. :)

Big Brother is after the crazy drivers

2010-01-03T21:41:00.000-08:00

Also, the Looking Good and Not Being Douchebags.... does NOT apply to driving. When driving here people just kind of go and expect you to make way for them. Drivers are just as dumb as anywhere else in the nation, but they drive significantly faster while being so dumb.

There are cameras at nearly all major intersections and many speed limit signs note that speed is "Regulated by Radar", but I haven't seen any proof of that so far. People do behave themselves at the intersections though, those cameras are unforgiving and I've already had a run-in with them myself.

People seem to speed a lot more on the freeways than on the streets, which is pretty typical. But one thing that I find nice is the speed limit on most major streets. Unless you are on a small, residential street the speed limit tends to be 40 or 45. This is pretty good in my opinion, considering I normally drove around that speed on roads that I wasn't supposed to. I know 38th street in Erie was just bullshit. The speed limit was 25mph almost the whole way across it because there were houses on at least one side, most of the time. But the fact of the matter is that it is a major street and the speed limit just didn't make sense. It was also rarely abided by.

We've come a long way since the gold rush....

2010-01-03T21:31:00.000-08:00

Alot of things in California are strange to those of us who are not natives, though I find it equally strange that I've only been here under 2 months and I'm already beginning to overlook things that previously stood out to me.

Dentists. Just driving along the main stretches of road here I see tons and tons of dentists/dental offices/orthodontists, etc. This leads to believe one of two things (and possibly a combination of both): 1) people in California have terrible teeth, or 2) people in California are obsessed with their appearance and dentists stand to profit off of this. It could be that people here are both obsessed with appearance AND have bad teeth, but I haven't really seen strong proof toward either theory.

To tell you the truth, people here seem to much nicer and far more genuine than people I have encountered in other parts of the country. Maybe different areas of California fit into the artificial stereotype, but from what I've seen of San Diegans, so far, they maybe care about their appearance, but they don't do so to a fault. They have found some happy medium here.... Looking Good and Not Being Douchebags 101.

Another thing that I see a lot as I drive around are yogurt shops. I don't think I've ever seen a yogurt shop before....ever. So it strikes me as odd. There are tons of them here; from little privately owned, rinky-dink ones, to shiny, evidently franchise ones that have self-dispensing machines that charge by weight. I haven't actually gone to any of them yet, but it's on my "Things That Seem Interesting" list. Although I think I'll hit up one of the smaller ones..... the big chain ones seem to charge a ton.

Coming soon.... (that's what she said)

2009-12-16T13:27:00.000-08:00

Future thoughts that I must write down now, in order to ensure I commit to them:

Why the fuck is my cat licking the carpet? I know it's clean.... I just vacuumed. (I lied, I'm really going to write about that later.)
I don't think Obama would have gotten elected if he was married to a white woman. Our country acts like we're not still racist, but even borderline racist white people can accept blacks if they see them as "keeping with their own kind." I think there is some underlying hypocrisy, even in having a black president. Just b/c we elected him doesn't mean we're suddenly good people and the rest of the world will stop hating us.

.... There was something else, which I've already forgotten, just after that one paragraph. Damnit.

I hope Android kills the iPhone. I want it so bad I can taste it.

An Ode to Bottled Pop (and to calling it "pop")

2009-12-13T01:45:00.000-08:00

Some pop is better in cans. Some in bottles. And still others from a fountain tap. But it doesn't really make sense....

I know that fountain pop is different. Many people seem to prefer it. I don't. I prefer bottles, but for various reasons.

First of all, my favorite pop is Code Red Mountain Dew. It has been for nearly 10 years and I don't think that's going to be changing any time soon. However, I really only like it in bottles. I'll drink it anyway, I suppose, but the bottle taste is the one ingrained in me. The others may not taste very much different (fountain is preferred over cans), but I think a lot of my preference is psychological. I'm not quite sure when Code Red came out, I'm sure I could wiki it, but it's unimportant. I didn't immediately like it the moment it hit market.... I never hop onto new things like that. But it grew on me during my middle and high school years. This is where the psychological part sneaks in. During those years my time was filled with hallway vending machines, before and after school trips to the convenient store down the street, football games, grueling practice hours and long bus rides. This was a time for bottles. It's not very common to see a vending machine for cans anymore and it was becoming uncommon, even then. Also, when you're going to classes, or generally on-the-go, you are not going to take a can with you. Cans are messy, inconvenient to carry and they go flat way too fast (my personal pet peeve). Even as I grew up, got my own car and went to college, convenient stores were still the way to go. And college bred the same environment; vending machines, cafe coolers and late night study lounges.

Cans require a different sort of person. A person with a sense of more immediacy, or perhaps with less caring for quality. I'm not a can person. I don't have the immediacy. My pop goes flat. I cannot bring myself to drink flat pop; it disgusts me. Therefore, my quality standards are too high. There are some things I like in cans, like the Orange Crush I'm drinking right now, which I've discovered I like vastly more than the bottled Orange Fanta they sell at work.... though the issues there seem to be with carbonation.

Also, a California observance:
Coke products. Because of my inclination for Mountain Dew (regular Mt.Dew is the default preference in the face of nearly perpetual lack of Code Red), I prefer establishments that carry Pepsi products. Barely anywhere here has Pepsi. Some of the normal fast food changes do, but there is a heavy bias toward Coke here. What makes it even funnier is the Dr. Pepper. Apparently, everyone here loves Dr. Pepper. You will go up to a random vending machine and the selections will include: Coke, Diet Coke, Dasani, Dr. Pepper, Dr. Pepper, Dr. Pepper, & Iced Tea (or something arbitrary). Establishments which would normally only carry Coke products add on Dr. Pepper as well. My mom mentioned this phenomena being present in Texas as well, which leads me to consider it a southern thing. Not just a "California" thing.

I found Jesus. He was hiding in my fucking calendar.

2009-12-02T23:12:00.000-08:00

Fuck alot of this shit! Seriously?!

What percentage of people are religious? A pretty decent number. Now religion wouldn't bother me so much if it weren't for the fact that it is continually shoved in everyone's faces. I'm quiet and respectful of other's beliefs..... at least when in company. The internet is made for bitching.

Here's the thing:
I just came home from the store - Walmart of all places - where I purchased a calendar. There were many calendars available, some of them with religious messages or connotations to them. Due to my own personal beliefs, I chose NOT to purchase a calendar that had any religious message or overtones. A bought a calendar with fucking pies on it. Yes. PIES. Pies don't seem to be a very religious thing, at least I didn't think so. Did Jesus eat pie at the last supper? NO. But what do I find when I open my calendar? A cardboard insert, intended for keeping the calendar's shape while in the store. This insert could have been a plain, boring, brown piece of trash. Instead, it was a brown, boring, piece of trash COVERED in Bible verses and other religious jargon.

Why? My life doesn't need to be invaded with this.

Pagans are wicked awesome

2009-12-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

I get along very well with pagans. I'm not sure why. I'm not pagan, I'm not really religious at all, but their personalities seem to mesh well with mine. I never discuss religion with them so it isn't a direct correspondence. I don't really know much about modern paganism. I know the basics of the concepts behind it, but I don't any more about the different strains of paganism that are around now than someone who says "All Christians believe in Jesus and are therefore all the same."

The concept interests me. Especially since I have never actively tried to befriend pagans (Should pagans be capitalized? Probably, but I wouldn't want to go all "politically correct" now, lol). I have never been extremely close friends with any pagans, none that I've been on "best friend" terms, or anything like that, but I've been casual friends with enough of them to realize that there's something to it. I know it's not directly due to the fact that they're pagans, but I also know that there is a vast array of personality traits that one must possess to be open-minded about religion and a number of other of life's mysteries.... and some of those traits must be present in order for me to really want to get to know someone. Or, more importantly, for me to actually be able to stand being around them for any significant length of time.

Perhaps a beginning...

2009-12-01T22:45:00.000-08:00

Inspiration is fleeting and should never be squandered. But at what expense? We often put things off, thinking that they can wait. How many times have ideas been lost forever because we didn't have the necessary time to bring them to life? It also leaves one to wonder what your priorities are. If I'm sitting at work and I'm suddenly struck by inspiration it is likely I will ignore it. Perhaps I will daydream about it for a minute or two, compose something that sounds more brilliant in my head than anything I've ever committed to paper, sometimes I will ever scratch out a note to myself, under the guise that I will be able to pick up the inspiration again, right where I dropped it off. But that seldom happens. I'm not the type to get inspired often. I will have a few moments, or sentences of brilliance and then rant off into the night. Sometimes my brain works so fast that I will lose something important to the ether before I'm able to finish fleshing out the current thought. And then it's gone. Like it never even happened. So what does one sacrifice in order to do what feels right?

Dear Jesus, please bring me a pony for xmas... I promise I've been a good girl.

2009-11-22T12:52:00.000-08:00

I hate how much religions seem to be centered around alleviating people's fear of dying. Religions concentrate on these sets of rules you have to follow and if you don't follow them Santa won't let you into Heaven. Now isn't that some fucked up shit.

Muse, for my lack of

2009-11-19T08:01:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't been on in awhile because of the move. However, I'm finally in San Diego and finally have internet access! Yay!

Anywho, I'm going to be writing quite a bit about my observations, annoyances, and irritations in regard to California, moving and life. I have a whole list of things I plan to write about, but for now I'm taking it slow and, since we're just getting settled in to our new place and new routines, you get this:

I've been hearing this song off and on without really paying it much mind. But I finally decided to take notice of it and I really like it.

I'll stop with the videos soon.... I swear.

2009-11-02T01:30:00.001-08:00

In other news....

2009-11-01T23:41:00.000-08:00

I'm moving in under a week. Yeah. I'm borderline freaking out, but only on the inside. *sigh*

Yeah, California seems bad ass, but at the same time I know it took about a year until we felt right in State College and by that time we were leaving. That especially sucked because I left behind some really awesome people. Some of whom just got engaged on Halloween! and I'm extremely excited for.

Dani + Ian: You guys are fan-fucking-tastic. I love you. <3

More Musical Musings...

2009-11-01T23:38:00.001-08:00

I like this song, and I really don't care who knows it. :)

This one, well, it's a great song. However, I almost wish I had never experienced this video. This guy should have never been permitted to be immortalized in film....especially his teeth. gah.

My weird musical musings

2009-10-30T18:07:00.001-07:00

I've been on a weird youtube music video kick. Which is especially weird b/c I have never been into music videos.... not really sure why, but I don't really find music a "watching" activity. Well, I had this song in my head, not sure how or why, and I really had no idea who is was by or anything at all. It actually took me awhile to even find out via google. Now I feel awkward that I like a song that was released in '79..... Still, it's a good song. Fuck it.

This is what happens when ppl think drugs are like special magic-candy....

2009-10-29T17:03:00.000-07:00

A random message I received:

"What do you have against drugs? I mean really. A lot of hard-working, cool, respectable people do drugs; but so do a lot of irresponsible dipshit losers. It's not fair to make such a sweeping generalization. You could be limiting your circle of friends in a pretty regrettable way. Besides, even the term itself is debatable. There are pillheads out there doing way more damage to themselves with legal OxyContin prescriptions (etc etc) than some hippies smoking pot and eating mushrooms (etc etc) could ever dream of doing. Just sayin'."

Ok, fair enough. I don't normally even bother to get into these kind of debates, but let's see my response:

"Well, I didn't say anything particularly negative about drug users. At least not that I recall..... though I do tend to go off when I rant and I could have said something I wasn't paying attention to. No; it's true I look down on drug users. And I understand perfectly well that your points are valid. I have had many friends who used drugs. I have also watched many of those friends wash themselves down the drain of society. I don't doubt that there are people out there who can be successful and still indulge in their own personal vice. My qualm is mostly within myself. I personally dislike drugs and, despite my understanding that they are not entirely negative in all circumstances, I tend to look down upon people that do them. This is my vice. I judge people based on their actions, in this case it is sometimes before I know those people. I know I am limiting my circle of friends, but the fact is that I don't think it's fair to hang out with someone while silently thinking I am better than them. (Because while this may not be true, this is how is works in my head...) I have some friends who I have told this to, and apologized for the fact that I look down on them for their choices, and we have been able to remain friends. Despite my opinion on the matter I don't actively bash on people for the choices they've made. I just choose to ignore them, or avoid putting myself in circumstance where I would be uncomfortable.

I'm not saying that my thinking is 100% right all the time. I'm just saying that it's the way I am. I guess I'm just a stuck-up bitch? But at least I know it, lol."

So I just laid it out there. I was honest, but not rude. At least not by my standards, lol. And, to my endless surprise, I wasn't met with animosity for it.

Response:

"I must say, it all sounds more reasonable after your elaborations. I wouldn't call you a stuck-up bitch... at least, not now :)

Well, good luck to you in all your drug free endeavors."

Well, that went well. Better than expected even. :)

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DIY

2009-10-29T09:32:00.000-07:00

I have this frequent habit of going to the hardware store, or any store for that matter, and looking for very strange things. This usually happens when I'm working on some bizarre project of mine that involves making something for cheaper than it would cost to buy it. The interesting part is when I have to figure out where in the store my "materials" would be located. This is difficult because I am not usually aware enough to think about what normal people would be using it for, which would help at least put me in the right direction.

Today's project was nylon mesh netting, or whatever you want to call it. They make these things to hang in your car that act as a barrier between the front and back seats. The reason this is important is because my cats like to climb all over me and anything else they can get to, which only seems potentially fatal when one contemplates driving cross-country and having them in the car for 4 days or so. So, long story short I was gonna buy one of these things online, but it was like $20. So I thought, "Maybe I can just find some netting and make my own."

Despite the simplicity of my intentions this seems to be where I went wrong. I wandered around Lowes' for awhile before actually getting a remotely intelligent person I could ask. They don't have it there and no one could really think of anything else it would be used for that would help point me in the right direction. The best the 2 Lowes' associates came up with was for me to try Pier 1 Imports..... I'm not sure why, but apparently they've seen nets there you can hang your stuffed animals in. I'm not sure if they're retarded, but that wouldn't have helped me. Some random passerby was intrigued by my outlandish request and began to brainstorm with us (the Lowe's worker and myself). He suggested I try an automotive store that would carry very similar nets as "cargo nets".

I was pleased, this was a great idea, except.....oh.............. wait for it, The fucking cargo net in the auto store is $25, thus 100% completely fucking eliminating an chance I had at saving money. I guess it's back to the drawing board.

Grown up time for the kid at heart.

2009-10-29T09:21:00.001-07:00

I went to the gym this morning and, while in the shower, I realized that all my shower products are orange. They are also all little kids products, lol. And they all smell yummy, which is the best part. Shampoo smells like melon, or something, body wash smells like....mango, or something, and spray conditioner smells like green apple. I'm good enough to eat. I don't want to grow up. :)

Photo by audi_insperation .

Twitter?

2009-10-29T02:22:00.000-07:00

I have a twitter now. Although I've never really liked the concept so I don't know how much I may use it.....

I also have no fucking idea what I'm doing, lol. >_<techwhore

Friend Sap (non-tree related...)

2009-10-29T02:16:00.000-07:00

I look back now on alot of the people I once considered friends, and I realize how completely, 100% different I am from those people. There may have been a time when I regretted not keeping people around, or thought that I did something to drive them away, but now I really don't care. I'm who I am today due, in part, to the people I left behind. That will always be changing.

and, to those who are my friends now (you know who you are, even if I'm not always sure): I love you all and I'm grateful for the time we've had. I don't mean to leave more people behind, because I tend to like the ones I have now, so stay in touch. And be comforted in the fact that I don't think I will find myself looking back on any of you and wondering what the fuck I was thinking.

o'rly?

2009-10-29T02:15:00.001-07:00

Apparently the gibberish below is what happens when I attempt to post from my phone.... which I'm supposed to be able to do.

2009-10-28T18:17:00.003-07:00

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2009-10-28T18:17:00.001-07:00

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Final touches

2009-10-27T11:02:00.002-07:00

Dun dun Duuuun.

Supposed to be getting new tires tomorrow. This will be our last real expense before the move, as it is actually necessary. My grampa is even getting me his discount on the tires, which is awesome.

Although I am a little worried that my grandparents might also try to pay for them. My grampa is supposed to be having surgery next week and they have all kinds of expenses at the moment; I have already told them that I wouldn't be able to accept even if they did offer to buy us tires just to be nice, because they need all the money they have right now.

In other news Dahlia is back on a liquid diet due to a rectal prolapse and things are nerve-racking in that department. However, he has been doing good since his last vet visit last Thursday and even though I can tell he is still having trouble going to the bathroom he is actually able to go.... hence the liquid diet. Watching a 3 foot long Tegu try to attack a bowl full of baby food is just a priceless sight. I might have to take some video next time and post it, lol.

Topher's unaired badassery

2009-10-26T09:22:00.002-07:00

I couldn't find this online anywhere so I felt the need to post it myself. This is Topher's monologue from the unaired pilot of Dollhouse. He and Boyd are debating the doll's behavior....

"Does that tie keep you warm?
It's just what grown up men do in our culture, they put a piece of cloth around their necks so they can assert their status and recognize each other as non-threatening kindred. You wear the tie because it never occurred to you not to. You eat eggs every morning, but never at night. You feel excitement and companionship when rich men, you've never met put a ball through a net. You feel guilty, maybe a little suspicious, every time you see that Salvation Army Santa. You look down for at least half a second if a woman leans forward and your stomach grumbles every time you drive by a big golden arch, even if you weren't hungry before. Everybody's programmed."

I love this little speech, especially since Topher Brink is fucking awesome. He follows the whole thing up with what has to be one of the best lines ever:

"This is cutting edge science, in a house full of hot chics."

Best. Line. Ever.

(JPEG Image, 1024x768 pixels)

2009-10-22T09:09:00.003-07:00

Posted for Jezzy on Medieval Mayhem.

(JPEG Image, 1024x768 pixels)

(JPEG Image, 1024x768 pixels)

2009-10-22T09:09:00.002-07:00

Posted for Jezzy on Medieval Mayhem.

(JPEG Image, 1024x768 pixels)

Drugs are bad, mmkay?

2009-10-03T20:17:00.002-07:00

I'm not always keen on trying or doing new things, but if I'm going to do something I go all out.

For instance, I don't like taking drugs. In this category I include normal, over-the-counter medications. However, I'm certainly not going to take something if I don't think it will do it's job.

I get really bad headaches. They can be so bad that when I let them go untreated for too long I ended up spending a hellish evening in the ER. Now, I take something for it before I get to the point where nothing short of an IV will help. I really don't want that to happen again....mostly because I fucking hated having an IV in my arm.

I'm also sick right now. But I will only take medication if something gets to the point of being unbearable. When my throat was so sore that I couldn't talk I went to the grocery store and got the cold medicine with the highest dose of Acetaminophen. I'm not sure why every other medicine had the same amount except this one, but I had been taking headache medicine for a cold, so I figured I needed something else. I'm also really big on only taking medicine for the specific symptoms I have. At first, when it was only the sore throat I didn't need medicine that also included drugs for congestion, sneezing, etc.

A large part of my reasoning behind not taking various forms of drugs to begin with is that it does not tend to easily affect me. I'm not sure why, but as far as I have noticed my body doesn't respond normally to chemicals. Also, at least in the case of taking medicine, I tend to ignore or overlook things until they get so bad that I'm unable to ignore them. Once I get to that point I'm usually beyond the help of 250mg.

Exploding children

2009-10-02T09:48:00.002-07:00

among the many reason i love my boyfriend:

(after a random convo).....
Roger: it's ok, their kids will be dumb and have stds
Me: lmao, true. our kids will pwn minds.
Roger: no shit. they'll also have more arrogance than humanly containable
Me: lmao, omg they will explode!

Random Update

2009-09-28T21:48:00.003-07:00

Displaced pets all have new homes. This is very good. Plus, I have some time to get used to them being gone. I don't know if I would have been ok with so much change all at once when we moved.

Also, my cat has learned how to drink from Bunny's water bottle....
And, in the 45 minutes that I spent in the living room today, I breathed in so much cigarette smoke that I've been coughing for the past 3 hours. Yes, I'm sick, but I wasn't coughing before that. And I have that terrible feeling you get in your throat from cigarette smoke...it lingers.

In other news, my sickness has morphed. I went from having a run-of-the-mill cold to something miserable. My symptoms has dwindled down to congestion and a swollen throat the other day. Now, I'm a little less congested, still not talking normally, but I'm also extremely nauseated. I haven't eaten food that has stayed in my body in 3 days now. :( I didn't eat all day today out, but then I felt a little more stable after work, so I decided to eat a sandwich. Not such a great idea. Now I'm right back where I was. *sigh* Roger told me not to die or he'd be really mad. I asked at whom and he said me, lol, for rage quitting Life. Believe me, I'm not capable of any rage at the moment (which is very unbecoming "How fine you look when dressed in rage.").

Also, it's officially cold. I disapprove of this. I have had to actually turn the air conditioner completely off. Lame.

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

2009-09-26T19:17:00.002-07:00

Ok, I'll go in order.

The Good:
Although nothing is official it appears I have found homes for all my displaced pets. Someone I know from highschool, who is moving to Florida, may be buying Chives from me. I'm going to be meeting them tomorrow and getting everything taken care of. Hopefully everything goes smoothly and she loves him as much as I have. He's not the simplest animal to take care of and it's hard to love him when you don't understand him. I'll email her a few links to websites with info on caring from him and give her everything she needs to get started.
Regina wants to take the gecko/frog/toad tank combination off my hands. I'm very pleased with that because I can always check up on them with her and know how they're doing. Plus she knows she can always call me if she has any questions. Is it bad that I feel like I need to give people lessons in order to take care of my animals? lol

*sigh* On to worse news.

Tha Bad:
Dahlia is impacted....she has been for awhile. She was given an enima - nothing. She went to the vet last Saturday. The vet put her on laculose (a laxative) and I have been giving her that everyday, along with some mineral oil and pedialite to assure she stays hydrated. She has been such a sweatheart taking her medicine from me. So many people think she is scary, but I've had a harder time with much more friendly, cuddly animals. The bad part is that she still hasn't passed the impaction, which is believed to be a sizable chunk of mulch from her substrate. The vet said that we may have to consider surgery if she doesn't pass it soon. :( There is a surgeon in Medina that is supposed to be giving me a call on Tuesday (soonest he'll be in the office). Not only am I scared that my lizard may have to undergo surgery, I'm scared of how expensive it might be. I'm trying not to think about that, b/c I'll do whatever I can to help her..... I don't know if I could handle it right now if something worse happened to her. Which brings me on to....

The Ugly:
This is the thing I've been avoiding. I wanted to wait to talk about it, because I didn't want to cry. I've teared up a little, but I'm doing ok for the moment. Last Friday night I came home to find my female bunny, Buttons, dead. She had layed down in the closest earlier in the day and I have even remarked at how cute she looked.... I think she knew she was dying and had gone to a place where she could be in relative privacy in the room. She had been facing with her head into the closet and it had looked a little like she was trying to hide. My brother and sister were actually the ones who discovered she was dead. I was glad for that, only in so much that I didn't have to deal with it on my own. I was very firmly rooted in the "denial" stage for most of the night and I don't know if I would have been able to properly determine what should be done. Deborah helped too, well, she actually did most of the helping, as far as finding something to put her in and such. I'm glad they were there and I'm glad that Roger was able to talk to me and help keep me together while I was freaking out. I'm also extremely grateful to Buttons and the way that she went about dying. I know that sounds weird, but....she did it gracefully. She layed down, she stayed somewhere where we could find her, but that she still had her privacy. Normally, if the bunnies would want to hide they would go under the bed. She certainly had that option available to her, but she decided against it. I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if she had died under the bed. I would have had to search for her and eventually move the bed in under to recover her body..... I guess that was just her way of trying to make it easier on me.

Ok, enough of that... I did the crying thing again.

:(

2009-09-20T12:14:00.002-07:00

Apparently this past week planned itself out to be the most depressing fucking week ever.

I really don't care to elaborate right now. Nor do I foresee myself wanting to talk about it aloud with anyone other than Roger in the near future. I'm glad I have him. Other than that; things are terrible.

Me & my pets

2009-09-16T21:46:00.003-07:00

I put up a note on facebook today about getting rid of some of my pets, since we can't move them all. I know logically that they can't come. I've been planning to get rid of them. I had just been putting it off b/c it didn't seem like something I should do so soon and now that I'm finally doing it I've realized how unhappy I am about it.

Damn my incessant attachment!

It sucks. I wish my mom would have taken Chives. Then I could at least get updates on him, know he's ok and see him when we come to visit. I'm trying to really hard to not give any of them to strangers, but that doesn't always mean I'll have the opportunity to check up on them.

I know I'm being silly, but, eh.... it happens. I know that eventually they will die and I would be just as upset then.

I love animals way too much. I have stated numerous times, in all seriousness, that I would open a wildlife reserve if it was within my means.

In other animal news, I got to play vet today when I gave my 3 foot long lizard an enema. Very uhm.......interesting. Not what I'd like to do all day, lol. Truthfully though, the worst part was that I was afraid of hurting her.

Going it alone.

2009-09-14T23:00:00.003-07:00

No one is moving with us. At first I thought it was kind of a shame, but now I'm glad for it.

Roger and I both thought we were doing something nice by offering the chance to our friends. And yeah, Mike probably needs a new start more than anyone. For Kyle it would have been an opportunity, but he will have more. The thing is that we're both so happy to be able to leave and make a real life for ourselves that I think it is hard to see that our friends aren't ready to do that yet.

But it's ok. I, for one, need to learn to live my life for myself. I need to take this time to do whatever it is that makes me happy and not worry about everyone else. (Well, I still worry about my boyfriend, but he's part of what makes me happy so that's allowed.)

I have an apartment to get, a move to plan and a life to live. And I'm incredibly happy for it. I don't care what hardship there may be involved. Moving is stressful and I stress easily, but I'll get through it. The cross-country drive is going to suck like a mother-fucker. But what is 3 or 4 days of discomfort in comparison to years of happiness??

Yeah, leaving my family is going to hurt. I love them dearly. They're pretty fucking crazy, though not in the harmful way, lol. So they often make me feel a little more centered. I worry about my siblings and how they're going to do getting through high school and such.

But I worry too much. I know I do. I can't watch over everything, for everyone. People need to cope with the hardships of life or they won't learn. I tried just telling my brother all the stuff I learned to deal with in high school, but quickly discovered that it's not just something you can be told, especially as a kid.

Yes, I worry. But I can only hope for the best and take care of myself.

Crunch time

2009-09-07T23:41:00.002-07:00

I'm hoping to fill much of the remaining time with moving preparations.

Alot has happened and there's still alot to do. Mike is no longer coming with us. Truthfully I was worried about many of the implications of bringing him with us, but was trying to overcome them. He didn't really have the money, but he was working on it....or at least had said that he was. I really can never be quite sure. He still had issues with paying off his truck and wasn't quite sure that it would be 100% reliable if we were using it to move everything.

Well, whatever. There were a lot of complications, but if Mike decided he can't go that's all there is to it. The fucked up part is that he never told us, technically he still hasn't told us. I asked his girlfriend about his plans (in what I intended to be a casual manner) only to find out that they weren't quite what we had been told. I feel kind of bad now that she had to tell me when I know she didn't want to get in the middle of things, but I'm grateful that she did. I had been trying to discuss things with Mike for the last 2 weeks (at least) and he had been continually blowing me off. At first I attributed this to him wanting to spend time with his girlfriend, which I gladly gave him space to do, but then he continued to ignore me even when he wasn't busy and she was at work. I was trying not to barge in on his "couple time", but he immediately stopped responding to me once I mentioned anything about getting together or talking at all. I thought it was rude, but not entirely out of character for Mike.

So, after having spoken with his girlfriend I talked to Roger. It was apparent that Mike was ignoring us b/c he wanted to think of some excuse for why he couldn't come. I even suggested that maybe Roger just tell him has was no longer welcome; that would alleviate his stress over coming up with some bullshit reason. Roger decided to talk to him about the whole thing. It should have been easier since he didn't have to break it to us himself. Roger called him: no response. He texted him: no response. Left a message: no response. Numerous attempts at all of this, and nothing. So Roger calls his mom, in a well-deserved low blow, to find out what was going on. She confirmed what we already knew; Mike no longer wanted to come, but was being too much of a pussy to just tell us. Then Roger talked to Josh. Even Josh knew what was going on! To me that in itself is just a slap in the face.

Now that we knew everything and still hadn't talked to Mike Roger kind of started to send him some defamatory text messages. A little below the belt, but nothing he didn't deserve. When Mike finally decided he would do us the honor of responding, he still denied the allegations. Ouch.

So, whatever. After some back and forth Roger eventually texted him and said that we needed a decision and didn't care what it was. No response.

So, we extended the invitation to Kyle. We had kind of mentioned it to him before, but seeing as how we already had a full house the offer hadn't been a big thing. I feel bad throwing it on him all of the sudden, but we do need to know what's going on ASAP. I know he doesn't want to burden us by coming along without a job lined up, but I also know that it's difficult to secure a job from across the country, especially if you have to tell any potential employers that you aren't going to be available for another 2 months. Yeah, it's a tough situation, but he's supposed to try to sort things out by the end of this week or so. Hopefully we can solidify some things by then. No pressure..... lol.

I'm going to have to figure out my apartment situation in the next 2 weeks or so - MAX. The really big ordeal now is going to be figuring out the physical move itself, without Mike and his truck coming with us. I'm going to have to crunch some numbers and see what I can come up with. Also, we actually have to apply for an apartment.... *sigh* Most of the info I've read says that they require credit checks as well as proof of income. Well, I have the decent credit and Roger has the good job. So I'm not exactly sure how we're going to get through the application process.

On top of all this I've put my GRE studies on the back burner, which I'm not happy to admit. I really need to get things on track. I've been working way more than I need or want to and it's been taking it's toll. My little mini-vacation here has been amazing and definitely helpful in clearing my mind, but in a few short days it's back to the grind. The only relief is the approaching deadlines, as well as my approaching end of my current employment. I'm not exactly sure why deadlines are relief to me, I'm just more comfortable working to deadlines than anything else. Long live procrastination.

A brief glimpse of bliss

2009-09-07T22:28:00.003-07:00

This week has been most joyous. :)

I'm in Mew Mexico. I arrived on Wednesday and Roger graduated on Thursday. I got to spend all of the 3-day, holiday weekend with him and couldn't be happier.

I won't be leaving until early Wednesday morning, however he has classes all day tomorrow. I'll see him tomorrow evening and then will have to say goodbye once again. I'm incredibly happy that I've been able to see him and spend time with him. It just sucks that once I leave I'm not going to see him for another 2 months. I know everything will be fine, but it doesn't mean I like it. Despite missing him all the time I had kind of grown accustomed to his pseudo-perpetual absence. Now my detachment must begin anew. *sigh*

OCD #3

2009-08-18T22:50:00.002-07:00

Public restrooms.

Now, it would be considered normal if I refused to use public restrooms, a lot of people have a problem with them. But I'm not paranoid that they're full or germs, nor am I going to refuse to actually sit on the toilet in an effort to perfect hover pissing. I'm just weird.

In a public restroom I have conflicting interests. First, I have to go into a bathroom that at least appears to be relatively sanitary. I'm not delusional about my options, I just can't have shit (literally or figuratively) all over the place in my stall. However, this need is often complicated by my strange desire to go into the least lit stall. I think it has something to do with the fact that bathrooms are often lit far too brightly, in an initial attempt to make them appear cleaner, and I seek to avoid this brightness. However, it makes it difficult for me to accurately assess the cleanliness of a stall when there is less light. Thus, my dilemma.

This concludes today's episode of me writing about inane shit that nobody ever wanted to know. :)

How come I only remember my dreams when they're fucked up?

2009-07-27T04:44:00.005-07:00

I just had a dream that I killed myself. Although it wasn't in a suicide sort of way.

I started off as myself. In the dream I don't recall having a reason to kill myself, but I somehow decided that shooting myself in the head sounded like a good idea. I shot myself twice in the head and vividly remember still being quite conscious after the first shot. The second one killed me instantly though. Yet, the moment I was dead I stepped out of my body. I don't know if I was supposed to be a ghost or what the fuck it was, but I walked right out into the living room and told my mom I had killed myself. I realized immediately that I had made a big mistake because I was very upset about it.

Somehow a shift was made in my dream from me being the victim to being the murderer. My mom was talking to me calmly about how I needed to make it look like the girl I killed had committed suicide. (Dreams don't usually make sense...I know this part definitely doesn't.) For some god awful reason I took 3 pictures of the dead body, which was lying in the bathroom. Two were of the body itself, which was naked and the third was a close-up of the face.

At this point in time I wasn't feeling that the dead person was me. I was feeling the I was still alive and needed to figure out how to cover up a murder. Apparently the girl I had killed was in the military because we decided to make it look like she had killed herself b/c of that. It's very difficult to put clothes on a dead body, but I managed to put her in her uniform before the cops showed up. I don't know if they were called or the shots had been heard, they were just there all of the sudden.

Apparently, in my dream, I had a 35mm camera. I think this is the case because I was unable to delete the pictures I had taken and this was what I though was going to incriminate me. I ended up hiding the camera behind the house on a strange hill somewhere.

Details in this part become a little unclear. I know that I wasn't immediately a suspect because I was allowed to drive somewhere, but had to come right back. When I came back there were police looking around where I had hidden the camera, but somehow they hadn't actually found it yet.

Eventually I think I went back and got the camera myself, although it was supposed to be the next day by the time I did. I think I went back so that I could properly dispose of it, but I had to hurry to some meeting where one of the girls that was working on the case saw me with it. I could tell that she knew I was trying to hide it, but she starting asking me about it as though I had just come to bring them this important piece of evidence I'd found. Obviously, I had to pretend that was the case as well, so I let her look at the camera. She pulled the film out and was able to see the pictures off of it. Somehow the police had taken all their photo evidence of the body on my camera as well so I was hoping that nobody wold realize some of the pictures had been taken by me before the cops showed up.

Most of the dream during these parts was concentrated on how upset I was becoming over the whole thing. I wanted to get away with it, but I already regretted killing somebody. I was starting to think that if I already was bothered by the fact that I had murdered someone that I might not be able to live with myself if I actually managed to get away with it. For some reason I sat around and moped in police presence. Maybe I was trying to convince them I was grieving.

The fucked up part is that when I finally saw the police looking through the pictures they were of me. Not only that, but I had made the conscious decision when I was about to shoot myself in the head that I needed to smile while doing it. So the pictures of me barely looked like I was dead at all, considering I've never seen a dead body smiling before. I looked as though I had been about to take a picture of myself, not shoot myself. (This is a little weird too, because I have previously analogies in my head between shooting photography and shooting a gun. Maybe this is why I shoot pictures the body? They could have represented me shooting it. Idk.)

I think I woke up after this, as there doesn't seem to be any conclusion. I'm surprised I remembered this much. Dreams are usually gone for me the moment I become conscious.

Fucking weird.

Howdy Motherfuckers

2009-06-29T19:29:00.002-07:00

Also, when I move to California I'm going to wear cowboy boots and skirts. No questions asked. End of story.

Anti-Steeler "Nation"

2009-06-29T19:27:00.003-07:00

I swear if I move ALL the fucking way to California and people there STILL like the Pittsburgh Steelers I'm going to vomit on some skank's $1,000 stilettos.

Zzzzzzzz.....

2009-06-26T21:41:00.000-07:00

I have been so tired lately. I have no idea why. I what to get up and do things and get out of the house, but I've been so tired. I've been sleeping in when I can, but I think work + going to the gym as much as possible + not having any caffeine is REALLY starting to take it's toll on me.

OMFG.

Tentativity!

2009-06-26T19:28:00.000-07:00

While I'm anxious to go it seems I have a lot of planning to do. Some things can't be done yet, but some I feel I might be behind on....

As of now it looks like Roger is going to be to take a flight directly from Artesia to Erie after his training. This is providing his request for leave to move is granted, but there isn't any real reason it shouldn't be. By my count he should be ending training on October 30th. They told him he can either pay for his own flight to leave, or wait 1 extra day and get a free flight. I'm not sure what days those are though, like if it will be that weekend, immediately following the end of class or not. I don't see why they would want to keep them there any longer, unless it has something to do with getting cheaper flights on a weekday (it is the gov't, we know they're cheap). If he goes with the free flight option not only is his flight free, but his leave time doesn't start ticking until the day after his flight/"travel day". So, technically he gets a free day and a free flight by taking that route. A+ in my book.

He should be getting about 10 days to move. If we know what day he is going to be coming back on we could technically have already gotten a trailer and have pretty much everything packed when he gets here. That mostly depends on necessity, whether or not he wants to stay and visit a bit and how long we are estimating our trip will take.

Mike needs to make sure that his truck is capable of making a drive to California. I know he mentioned a little bit of worry about that and having the vehicle that is towing all of our belongings break down during our move is simply not an acceptable possibility. Mike also has to finish paying off his truck and his fines and somehow have money left to help pay for the move and help me put a down payment on an apartment. :-/

Speaking of apartments, I need to have one secured at least 2 months in advance. Which means that I should already know where we're going to be living by the beginning of September. Eek gads. It's too early to start looking now, but I don't know what exactly I should do. :(

Roger's graduation is also in the beginning of September. He actually graduates before going through the Spanish portion of the academy, I guess they're considered completely separate things. People who have already demonstrated fluency in Spanish do not have the stay the additional 2 months. Not only did he want me to come down to see him, I want to go down to see him and he'd like me to come to his graduation. That puts me in New Mexico around Sept.2nd. Not sure how that is going to work yet. Once again, it's a little too early to look for tickets. Although I have learned that car rentals are ridiculous. I'm not sure how this is going to work at all.

As far as the actual move goes, once we find out about Mike's truck, I need to determine what size trailer we need versus what size trailer Mike's truck is able to hold. If neither of those things coincide, or if Mike's truck isn't going to be making the trip, then I will most likely have to start looking into how much it is to have some of those fancy moving guys come move the big stuff for us. I might also be able to have some things shipped, depending on which is cheaper. I expect neither shall be. But, then again, neither would hauling a u-haul + gas.

Oh. And I haven't even gotten to the best part yet. I have this idea in my head that I'm going to grad school. In fact, this idea is so tightly lodged in my head that I don't know what I will be doing with myself if this doesn't end up happening. I need to know whether or not I'm going, b/c if I am it would only make sense for me to get an apartment somewhere in between campus and Roger's station.

I haven't even started studying for my GRE yet. I haven't registered to take it. I haven't contacted the department for the school I plan to apply with. I made the first step today: I purchased a GRE study guide. The smallest, cheapest GRE study guide that is likely in existence. Mostly because I'm not sure whether or not I'll need it. I'm not a genius. But I'm not dumb. I know that studying has never really worked for me. If the knowledge isn't in my head then it's not going to be implanted in there by simple means, for the sake of one test. I'm going to do some practice tests and see what areas I may be lacking in. If there is anything terrible then I will concentrate on it. If not, I need to register to take the test. But first I have to find out how to get my fee waived, and it looks like I have to go through the financial aid office at Behrend for that. I'll have to contact them, b/c the information on the GRE website isn't very helpful. I just know that I don't have $150 to shell out for a computerized test. If that's not a scam I don't know what is. But when you have a monopoly you can charge whatever you fucking want.

So, GRE and Grad school application process really need to get underway. I've been wasting time worrying about money and maybe getting a second job, when what I probably should be doing is walling myself up in my room and scamming my ass off. I've look at UCSD's stats. My GPA alone certainly isn't going to get my in. I need something substantial to back me up, otherwise I don't stand a chance. I didn't initially realize how selective and prestigious that university is. I wasn't looking for selective. I really don't care. But to the best of my knowledge, it's the only school in the area with a program for my study area and therefore I'm stuck busting my ass. I certainly never busted my ass to get into college. And I can only recall some moments of working hard while being in college. For a lifetime slacker, I've sure got my work cut out for me.

OCD....

2009-06-24T23:40:00.001-07:00

It's possible I may be a little OCD. I never noticed it myself, but it has been brought up on a few occasions and it is being drawn more to my attention lately. The problem is that I can never remember the compulsive things I do, even when they are brought to my attention. So I'm going to begin writing them down....or typing them out as it would be.

Compulsion #1: Tapping
This is something I've been doing since highschool, probably earlier. I tap on things. Mostly with my fingers/nails, but always in rhythm. This goes beyond the normal tapping-along-on-the-steering-wheel-in-the-car (though I'm quite skilled at that as well). If my hands are occupied for some reason I tap with my feet. In high school I did this so much during Chemistry class that I actually taught myself to tap different rhythms, simultaneously, with each foot. At work, I must tap on things as I walk past them; boxes, stands, counters, displays - whatever is within reach. I often even try to tap a rhythm on succesive items as I'm walking past them. If the turn signal in my car is on while I'm waiting at a light, I even have to tap a filler rhythm to work into the steady sound of the blinker. I almost never sit still without tapping on something, most often a desk. If I'm sitting at the computer it isn't as bad, b/c I' generally typing. However, if I have my hands on the keyboard, b/c I'm attempting to think of what I'm trying to write I will tap on the keys in rapid patterns. Though it isn't my intent, people often look when I'm doing this b/c it sounds as though I am typing at lightning speed. Yeah....it's bad.

Compulsion #2: Shaving
This one isn't nearly as big, but I was talking to my mom about it today and she brought up how odd it was. I hate shaving my legs. It's just annoying and time-consuming. However, I have an even greater despise for feeling my legs when they are stubbly. If I have gone more than a few days without shaving, and my legs brush together in bed, I CANNOT sleep. I either must put on full length PJ pants or immediately get up and shave my legs. It drives me insane.

That's it for now, since those are the ones that were discussed today. I know there are many more. I'll attempt to document them as my come to my attention.

With minimal objections to my sanity....

2009-06-23T00:48:00.000-07:00

(or what the kitten has titled: ;p;p;p;p;p;p;p;p;p;p;p;p)

I have a kitten. grrr. meow. Ouch, mother fucker, why am I continuously being climbed?!

Ok, as you may or may not be aware, I am a complete sucker for animals. Not only am I the type who thinks they're adorable, I'm also the type how wants to take them in, and care for them, and the type who gets pissed when people are not treating their own animals properly.

I found an adorable kitten outside my gramma's house a few days ago. My gramma begins to freak out about calling the shelter and how somebody is dumping poor cats in her neighborhood, yatta, yatta, yatta. I love my gramma, and she's an amazingly caring woman, but she is greatly prone to anxiety, over-talking and repeating herself....repeatedly. I decide to just take it home. It was cute and, once again, I'm a sucker.

So now, the kitten is living in my room for the moment. I didn't want to throw it into the rest of the house b/c there are many other animals and it is still rather defensive. So now, not only is there a mini cat litter box in my room (gross!), but the other cats are all freaking. I made a secondary mistake of pitying the rest of the cats in the house. They don't get fed - properly or enough - and I don't fucking agree with this. Despite my wont to do it myself, I do not have the money tp keep it up. I've been feeding them for a week or so, but now every cat in the house thinks that it is my cat. Every time my door opens and I attempt to exit the room I have cat frantically running into my legs to get inside. I've gotten to the point where I put food in the livingroom, just to get them out of my room. I don't want them to be scared of me, but I have to keep throwing them out and I feel bad. Once again: SUCKER.

Oh, did I mention there is also a cat living on our porch? Which I am feeding. He's actually the reason I bought a bag of cat food to begin with. Now all the other cats are hogs (which I can't really blame them for going bonkers over food, when they barely get any) and I don't have food for the cats that primarily need it. The fact is that the cats here DO get fed....sometimes, I'm pretty sure. But the cat on the porch doesn't, nor does the kitten, unless I isolate her from the greedy cats.

It has gotten to the point where I really wish I hadn't started feeding them b/c they are driving me fucking insane. OMFG.I think I just have to stop. I will feed my cats, which including the new kitten there are 3 of, and my bunnies. Oh, and my lizards. And the hedgehog. Yeah..... I think I've got too much on my plate already. Grrr.

The kitten doesn't have a name yet. It probably should get one relatively soon, seeing as how it appears she will be staying. Any suggestions?

Ramble...

2009-06-20T23:11:00.000-07:00

I should probably write more; it would help.

Roger's gone. Well, he's in New Mexico at training now. I'm trying to keep myself busy, but that isn't working so great. I've managed to impose a false sense of urgency on myself by making myself clean and organize things every day since he's left. The problem with this is that it needs to be done, but it's not of the utmost importance, and I have begun to stress myself out by trying to keep myself busy in order to keep my mind off things. *sigh*

The good news is that I managed to replace the power supply on my computer (all by my lonesome) and now my computer is working again. Hopefully I can convince myself to sit back and watch a movie and just chill for a bit.

I had my interview at Career Concepts. I told them I wouldn't accept a job that paid less than $9.50/hr. I'm not making quite that much right now, but it has to be enough to get me to leave bby. Despite my despise for the place and [most of] the people, it pays decent; especially for the minimal amount of work I do most days and the frequent lack of supervision I have. I like being left alone. That's a hard thing to find in a work environment though. It's also one of the many reasons I loved working at Snap-Tite long ago: 2nd shift w/ 2 other ppl and no supervisors - I was in heaven. We didn't slack off. I'm not aiming to have a job I can get away with slacking off at, I'm aiming to have a job where ppl aren't trying to crawl up my ass bitching 24-fucking-7.

I may have an interview to work for the city. The chic from Career Concepts is supposed to be setting up an interview for me. It's basically and secretary job, but it only pays $8/hr. I almost don't even want to consider it, but then bby will go and do something else to piss me off. My tendency changes day-to-day. I don't want to work 8-5 shift M-F either. But it's hours, and hours means money. And we all know how much bullshit that is. Supposedly, if you start working at this place as a temp and they like you, you can hurry up and take the civil service exam (which I was gonna do anyway) and get hired for real. I don't know how much it pays then though. I kinda want to have my bby discount still when we move and need new shit.

Anywho. The biggest challenge in my life this week (other than fixing the comp) was figuring out a way I could run the air conditioner and my computer at the same time with blowing a circuit. It blew like 3 times in one day and I was pretty aggravated. I now have my computer on an extension cord to the outlet across the room. So far this has fixed the problem. Hopefully it can be a permanent solution.

I would like to add that my family is awesome. I don't usually get to spend much time with any of them because I was always busy, but I've been trying to a little more lately and now that Roger is away they've all been trying to keep me busy and give me something to do . It's helping a little.

I'm annoyed about the available friend-type options I have left for time-occupation, but I'll get into that later. I'm trying to decide if I should go to bed now and get up early to go to the gym before work. The 1 and only advantage of going to the gym in the morning: if you're already in that habit you are not effected by the shitty lack of hours on the weekend. I usually go to the gym at night, but they close at 10 on Fridays (so I can only go if I'm not working), 5 on Saturdays and 1 on Sundays. Seriously. What the fuck is that shit?

The car is up for sale. I need to get rid of it. I also need the money to get Roger's car inspected.

Updates mostly

2009-06-03T10:16:00.000-07:00

I'm driving Roger to the airport in Pgh on the 12th now. We originally thought he would be flying out of Erie, but we couldn't get a ticket for any of those flights. Kyle is possibly going to tag along for the ride, mostly so that I don't have to drive home by myself.

I have a meeting with some chic at Career Concepts next week to see if they might be able to find me a position related to either of my majors. It may only be for the next few months, but it would look worse for me to graduate college with 2 bachelor's degrees and not even attempt to get into either field.

For now, I have a bunch of hours at BBY and things aren't too bad. The people there that hate me are now pretending to be nice to me. Whatever, it doesn't make a difference other than making work a little easier if I have to deal with them. No word yet on whether the 2 day training in Ohio is mandatory or not. Even if it's not, I might go anyway. Out of town trainings were always pretty chill in my old district, they would give out prizes and such, plus you get reimbursed for gas and paid for the whole time you're there and driving there. I wonder how it works though if you stay overnight..... I highly doubt I would get paid to sleep.

I should go get my oil changed. I have work in 2 hours and need to sell my car next week.

I could use a little PATIENCE

2009-05-31T10:39:00.000-07:00

I wish it had happened sooner, but at least we're not still waiting.

Roger is leaving on June 13th to go to Cali and then training in New Mexico for 5 months. I wish I was leaving that sooner too, though I don't envy him the heat he's going to have to endure during training.

As for me, I'm stuck. I get to pack and clean and plan a life in a place I have never seen. I'll be looking online for apartments I won't be able to see in neighborhoods that I'll have to call other people to ask about. I know if there a neighborhoods you want to avoid in a place as small as Erie that there are only going to be worse neighborhoods in a place as big as San Diego, and I'm sure all the seemingly cheap places to live will be in those places.

Also, during this time I need to keep a decent job so I can live, of course. But I need to take my GREs.... and start the lengthy, painful application process for grad school. I'm probably going to take advantage of my lack of anything to do by actually studying a little for the GRE before I sign up to take it. To the best of my knowledge there is only one university in the San Diego area that has a graduate program in political philosophy: University of California at San Diego. I really don't have a clue how exclusive the program may or may not be, but I don't want to miss my only chance. I'd also like to do good enough that I can be eligible for funding or even a fellowship, although I admittedly don't really know how all that grad school stuff works yet. I know that university will throw money at you if you're the right person and I'd like to make that possible.

In the mean time I'm going to fill out the application I have sitting around for a substitute teaching position with the Erie School District. I don't mind kids, although I believe I would abhor teaching high school. But it would give me some decent experience. Plus substitute teachers don't really have to do much.... if they get called in to cover someone that teaches in an area other than their own expertise they basically show the kids a movie or give them some busy work. You don't have to have lesson plans and all that jazz. Plus, even though it probably won't start until August or so, it will give me some extra money and something to occupy my time.

I don't know how much longer I can put up with Best Buy's bullshit. Truthfully, I love the company. They try to do amazing things for their employees and everyone at the BBY in State College was top notch. But in Erie, everyone sucks.....it's terrible. If I stay here much longer it will only be for lack of a better (or equally good) paying option.

Update

2009-05-09T05:14:00.000-07:00

So far nothing has changed. My grade is still a B. I haven't heard anything either way and, despite the fact that I'm epicly pissed off by this, I think I'm just inclined to let it go. As long as I graduate with a 3.0 cumulative GPA still..... I really don't see the point in bickering over one fuckin' grade. Yeah..... I understand that maybe he gave me the grade out of kindness and that I shouldn't be so upset by this, but every moment of my time this past week was crucial. The time I spent on his paper may have caused me to bomb my last final on Friday that was worth 40% of my overall grade. I feel like I did so much for nothing at all.....