A case for dildos - and sex education

  I was thinking...  there really needs to be some sort of charity that supplies dildos to the needy. The price for a decent dildo is ridiculous. Poor girls are horny too, ya know. Except you can't really donate them.... used dildos are just gross. (Maybe refurbished dildos? Haha.)
  They give away condoms to kids in an attempt to prevent teen pregnancy. Has anyone ever considered the notion that if young girls were more educated about their own bodies and sexuality that they would be more comfortable with their own bodies? This could possibly contribute to a number of changes. If young women (I decided not to continue using the word "girls" as it may be misconstrued; I'm referring to teenage girls) were exposed to a culture that was more comfortable with female sexuality there is a possibility that this could reduce many of the common problems that teenage girls experience.
  Low self-esteem is one of the biggest problems, focused on by the media, and it has everything to do with the way a young woman views her own body. If she is not comfortable and happy, as is all too common, issues arise. A woman that is educated about her body is more comfortable with her body.
  Teen pregnancy has only continued to increase over the years. There are innumerable causes that lead young women to engage in sex, and to make the wrong decisions regarding protection during sex. However, if a teenage girl is comfortable with her body she will not be so desperate to seek male attention and approval. If she is able to pleasure herself, without guilt or shame, then she will be less likely to feel the need to obtain pleasure elsewhere.

Even poor Fido is ashamed to be caught with sex toys.

  There is certainly no easy solution to an expansive problem. Yet, there is always an opportunity for change. Teenagers currently are only given the most rudimentary amounts of sex education. Even this education can lead students to feel ashamed and embarrassed. When I was in 5th grade, the girls and boys in my class were separated to sit through presentations regarding puberty. I don't remember much of the content, but I do remember the awkwardness. The main object, for the girls' class, was to prepare us to deal with our first period. I recall a great deal of confusion as we listened to the description of diagram of the female reproductive system. The message was important and the intentions were in the right place, yet the content went completely over the heads of 10 and 11 year old girls. No one understood what to do with this new information. Worst of all, I quickly discovered that I was the only girl present who had already begun her period. Not only had the presentation itself been too late to prepare me, but the other girls were still at the stage where they regarded the entire thing as gross and disgusting. I was made to feel like I had a secret, a gross and disgusting secret.
  I experienced no further sex education until high school. It wasn't until 10th grade that I saw the STD presentation - which was infamous throughout the school.  I was in the same school district at both these times, but it seems that they skipped a big part of sexuality here. I can only guess that it is the same elsewhere. No one ever attempted to educated the students on sex itself. There was never any discussion on what defined a healthy, consensual, sexual relationship. Instead, the STD presentation in 10th grade was basically a scare tactic. The idea was that students either already had, or soon would, become sexually active. Therefore they needed to be terrified by the idea of sex. What better way than showing them an hour's worth of slides containing pictures of STD-ridden genitalia?
  It's not a bad thing to make sure that teenagers are aware of the very real risks associated with sex. But it is disheartening for there not to be an alternative. Our society still has sex and sexuality hidden under a shroud of shame. We cannot properly discuss it without being accosted with criticism and anger. Yet I'm convinced that those of us who are comfortable with our sexuality, in whatever form it may take, are much happier people.
(If only the people who wasted their time protesting gay marriage could just get laid....? But that's a rant for another day.)

Update

So, I should probably update on a few points here:

1) We decided not to have a wedding.

2) We decided to have a wedding again.... I don't know what is going on, but I think it's driving me insane. We were going to do it in Vegas. Then everyone in my family still wanted to be included in some way. So we were going to just go home to visit everyone (since we live across the country and haven't seen most of them in about 9 months) and have a small get-together. Well, my intention of a small get-together, has slowly made its way to being a full wedding reception. I'm really not that pleased this. My mom and my gramparents are putting their opinions in more than I require. They're also volunteering to assist in paying for the reception, which requires me to care what they think. *grumble grumble*
Then a further complication. My man's best man lives near us. If we do the wedding in Vegas, he can come, but no one in my family can. So we're thinking of doing it in Niagara Falls. It's only about an hour's drive for the folks at home. But then the best man has already made plans for that weekend. Another part of our problem is that I LOVE procrastinating. So.... he can be included if we do it in the middle of the week. It doesn't really bother me to do it at an inconvenient time for others, if it's easier for me, lol. But then my family started bitching about that being inappropriate. OMG. *sigh* Could they make my life more difficult?
This has been stressing me out way too much. I'm looking into finding an outdoor locale, so we can do the reception cheaper and more informally. But so far I can't find anywhere that will allow us to use the space cheaply. I'm going to check into the peninsula. But if we have it there, then none of our guests can drink. There's no alcohol allowed in the state park. But we don't drink, so it really doesn't bother me at all.

Reddit Book exchange!

So, I recently signed up to participate in a book exchange via Reddit Gifts. I'm still relatively new to Reddit. However, I had missed the opportunity to get in on the Reddit Secret Santa last year, so I thought this would be fun, smaller version of that. Plus, I love books, so where's the downside to this?

The deal is, you sign up. After the sign up period ends, they send everyone a "match," a person to whom you are supposed to send a book. You get their username, as well as their name and address for shipping purposes (which everyone agreed to give out when signing up) and any additional info they may have provided about themselves. You send them a book in the mail. You get a book in the mail. Everyone gets a nice surprise. Awesome.

Now, I had originally thought that I had so many books I would just send a used book that I already had. It is a book swap, so no harm in that. However, I had forgotten how drastically digital my book collection has gone. The only real, hard books I have left are ones that hold a lot of value to me. So, I actually went and found a handful of pretty sweet books at Salvation Army (much better than I expected to find there). I picked one from the lot and sent it out, without much to do.

About a week ago, I had received an anonymous message from my Reddit gift/book-giver. They wanted to get my email address so that they could send me a Kindle version of my book. I thought that was an awesome idea, so I sent them my email. I then received an email from Amazon, notifying me that I had been given a book, along with a message from my gift-giver:

"I wonder how mysterious this amazon gifting is. 

You can probably trace this back to me fairly easily. Enjoy.

More will be on their (their?!) way soon."

I greatly enjoyed their grammar humor!

The book I received is called Mr. Funny Pants. It looks interesting, but isn't something I would have picked out myself. But no fear, I enjoy reading new things! 

Here's where it gets awesome(er). My book-giver had assured me that they would still be popping a hard-copy in the mail and I would receive it shortly. I had assumed that said hard-copy would only be another copy of the book they had already sent me digitally. I figured they were just giving me options and covering their bases, as far as the rules of the exchange were concerned.

Today I received a box in the mail. It was a decent sized book, so I was intrigued as to why it would be so large for just one book. The contents of this box turned out to be squeal-inducing in their awesome-ness.

When I first opened the box, I found this:

The paper note was actually on the front of the book, tucked under a zip tie, which was holding the book shut. I was a little confused.... But the note read:

"Keep digging

are there two (three) g's in digging?

-diging?- so wrong. 

please be sure to open me. ;)"

At this point, I'm still a little confused as to why I have a George W. Bush book sitting in front of me. But, I figure they included that last line, because I may not have even wanted to open that book. So, considering it was shut with a zip tie, I put it aside and go on to the next thing in the box. 

I find this: 

The book is called The Next 100 Years:  A Forecast for the 21st Century. The post-it on the front reads: "Very fascinating until it stops making sense in the 2030s or 40s. Then it is just entertaining." Hmmm, ok. I like it.  I especially like the personal insight. I still have more delving to do... NEXT!

Underneath that I find: 

 

The Joy of Sects. "LOL! It sounds like sex."

At this point, I'm just thinking how awesome it is that this person sent me 3 books! And a Kindle book! I'm mind-blowingly astounded by all the awesome-ness. I can't even think of a better descriptor than awesome to describe it.

Now, I'm thinking that's pretty much it. But I remember the George W. Bush book and the cryptic zip tie. So, I grab up a pair of scissors and cut it open. I'm expecting to maybe find another note, or a bookmark or something similar.

Instead, I find this amazing wonder!

This is probably the best thing I've ever seen. ANOTHER book (A World Out of Time), another note, and a little toy dinosaur! LOL! And, best of all, the note reads:

"Surprises? I can do surprises.

I am pretty sure that this dinosaur is from a cursed package of dinosaurs. The last person to who(m?) I sent one died before it got there. Good luck!"

And, underneath the book, one final note:

"Please fill this with awesome."

My book-giver should win some sort of reward. This has been an epic experience!

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind

I'm not normally this hippy-ish, but I found this post appealing. As I sit down to give my own answers, I haven't even read all the questions. Yet, I feel the need to reflect and to ponder some things about my life. I know that I've been struggling with a lot of disappointment lately and it's time to examine where I think I'm heading in life. However, I know some of my answers here may further disappoint me.... but that's what I need to work on. :)

These questions have no right or wrong answers.
Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Either 15 or 40... I guess I average out pretty well.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? I'm going to go with never trying.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Because we have a hard time taking risks and leaving our comfort zone.... also b/c society forces us into dead end jobs in order to survive.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? Right now, yes. But I'm working on fixing that.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? There's a lot... separation of church and state, of corporation and state, end corruption and eliminate the two party system. Also, can we just put an end to stupidity and make it physically painful to lie? Like look at the areas of the world wear they actually believe that raping young girls (virgins) will cure AIDS... that's the kind of stupidity I'm talking about.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? photography, dancing, acting, singing, playing music, sex, wearing corsets (?), lol.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Definitely settling... under the justification that I will one day be doing something worthwhile.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? Well... I would seriously do away with any plans to have kids. I'm more than half-way to the grave and wouldn't even get to see them grow up.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? That's a damn tricky question, and one that's hard to answer accurately. I've controlled most of my adult life... I haven't let other people make decisions for me, but I also haven't gotten the opportunity to do many things I would like to.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Both, unfortunately. I like to do the right thing, but I'm always stuck on doing things right.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? Tell them they're being unfair and explain why I disagree.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? That's really not a fair question.... no advise you could give a child would be remembered and, even if it was, them implementing it would hinder their own knowledge and development.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yes.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? I think so... :)
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Reason... socialize...
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? I'm not as simple, or as easily abated.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? Start my own Ren circuit act; location and travel are holding me back.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Maybe my dreams?
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? Probably back to PA.... houses are so damn cheap.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No, and no.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?Why aren't geniuses allowed to be joyful?
22. Why are you, you? Because I have no other choice than to be honest to myself.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Yes.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch... that's just laziness.
25. What are you most grateful for? My wonderful fiance, who takes care of me, loves me, and lets me pursue my silly academics.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? It's tought, but I'd have to lose the old ones... there is a lot of bad in there and, yes, I'd lose some good too, but I don't plan on having nearly as much bad shit in my future. Plus, I have a terrible memory as it is, so I've forgotten half of the past already, lol.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? I've often had inherent knowledge about things that, when confronted with, just seemed obvious. So, yes.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? My greatest fear is falling... Although I have recently comer face to face with my 2nd greatest fear .
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? No, not at all.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? When I finally found out my mom was proud of me...
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? Probably our recent trip to Vegas, it was just nice to relax and experience new things with my boy. :)
32. If not now, then when? I'm thinking about 2 years from now.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? The will to try again?
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Of course.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Tatemae... or a much too lengthy rant.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? Only in some cases.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Yes. My job already isn't very important. However, I would still work; just on something I liked more.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? I like staying busy, but only if it has meaning.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Probably.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? Oh.... that's not an idea I'm comfortable with.... hmmm.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? My family.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? I think I will actually have to say yes to this. However, it is not out of vanity. I don't care about being attractive or famous, but I care about the impact I would have the potential to make if I held some sway and could influence the way of government functions. Basically, if I was famous I could run for office and actually stand a chance of winning.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Working toward something, doing things you love, taking time for yourself and those you cherish; doing anything other than going through the motions, day in and day out.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? Whenever you have the ability to do so. (Some situations require money or resources that you don't always have.)
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Perhaps the fear that we should have learned sooner how to avoid it.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Not wear clothes, lmao.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? ... right now.
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love learning... I finished submitting my grad school applications earlier this week.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? I've always had a terrible memory...
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? Well.... decisions are being made right now, on my grad school apps, and I wish I didn't have to, but I must allow others to make them.

11:59PM - Rejection Letter

Well, at least I had prepared myself for this, so I'm not completely distraught...

I got my polite rejection email from UCSD. Now my options are dwindling. 

This is the 1st school I've ever been rejected from. I really expected it to be more monumental. In high school I only applied to one college and got accepted... because I knew I could. I actually feared applying to this school, because I didn't think I would be accepted, but I did anyway because I had to try. I suppose it's a good thing I got that fear out of the way. Too bad it had to be on the best school (as far as suiting my needs is concerned).

Now my options are 1) go to mediocre school and get my M.A. 2) go to mediocre school and work on my M.A. for a year and reapply (my GPA was certainly a tragic part of my downfall). 3) go to a good school that's an hour and a half away.... this is, realistically, less of an option than I would like to let myself believe.

If I reapply after getting my M.A., UCSD may approve that work to count toward 4 courses.... basically saying that spending 2 years working on my M.A. is only worth 1 semester of their time. *sigh*

Either way, I'm wasting time. And my life. That's the shitty part. I'm kind of putting all my eggs in one basket with this whole grad school thing....

Of course, if I get my M.A. I'm qualified to teach at any of the plethora of community colleges in the area. It really seems quite pathetic, but so does the whole community college system here. (Well, I can't say just here. I'm not familiar with any other community colleges. We didn't have those in Erie.)

I may also be able to get my teaching credential and just teach dirty, loud children.... *shudder* The only thing that is even moderately appealing about this option is that I can get my student loans forgiven after 5 years of [qualified] full-time teaching. That almost seems worth it.

I'm a miracle worker.

The boyfriend goes, "You should bake something. You like doing that." I go, "But I don't have the stuff to do that..." I wander out to the kitchen and do a bit of scavenging; an hour later we have No-Bake Coconut Cheesecake. I'm a miracle worker.

Yeah, it's a shitty picture, but the post was too short otherwise.

 

Comic-Con

I got my Comic-Con tickets this morning. After about 2 hours of fervently hitting F5, I finally managed to get a confirmation.

What craziness. I know they were avoiding many of the larger companies such as TicketMaster and Amazon, because of the expense - TicketMaster would have charged the customer too much in fees and, apparently, Amazon wanted too much from the actual seller - but, seriously, this shit was ridiculous. We've been waiting months for these tickets, as have thousands of others. I'm pretty sure the majority of us would have preferred a small increase in price (or fees), rather than the inconvenience we have paid with instead.

I think of it like this, I'm making decent money now with my new job and with the time I wasted getting tickets (both today and other days they attempted to sell them) I could have made about $80 or so, if I had spent that time working instead. And I really should have spend this morning working.... I have to leave for a training session and I hate feeling so inadequately prepared.