What do I want?

  My boyfriend recently asked me what I wanted and what would make me happy. I over-reacted at this simple gesture, because I mistakenly thought that he was inferring that he believed I was not happy. After getting myself all worked up over nothing he explained that that wasn't what he meant, he just wants to make me happy. I in turn explained that I didn't need him to buy me things to to keep me happy, there will always be things I want, but not often things I need.

  There are many things I want; many of them contradictory. There are few things I need. I can be whimsical at times, but I don't tend to be impractical. I want to lose weight. I want an awesome DSLR. I want motivation to achieve whatever it is I choose to set my mind to. I want to be able to make up my mind to begin with. I want a whip. I want corsets. I want leather. I want shoes. I want to get married, but I'm secretly terrified of it. I want to be amazing; sometimes I think I am. I want to be successful. I want to have a job doing something I love and find fulfilling, but sometimes I don't want a job at all. I want to go back to school. I want to not be afraid of rejection. I want to be talented; I feel that I am, but I'm a jack of all trades and don't really shine at any one thing. I want to see my family. I want to have people in my life that I care about in some capacity. I want an electric piano. I want a bamboo tenor sax. I want dental insurance. I want to be fearless. I want to rid myself of chronic headaches. I want a photographic memory; or at least a good normal memory. I want nail polish that doesn't chip and hair that does what it's supposed to. I want a hammock. I want quiet time with the man that I love. And I want to be sappy sometimes and get away with it. I want to help my family. I want to fix the government and our country. I want birth control without side effects! I want net neutrality. I want to abolish the two-party political system. I want to always be able to add something, meaningful or otherwise, to this list.

  Most of all, I want to believe that all of this is possible, attainable and within my grasp. I don't want to wait to live my life until it's too late. I'm so happy with where I am currently in the world that I don't want to become complacent and forget that I still have more to do with myself.