Random Update

Displaced pets all have new homes. This is very good. Plus, I have some time to get used to them being gone. I don't know if I would have been ok with so much change all at once when we moved.

Also, my cat has learned how to drink from Bunny's water bottle....
And, in the 45 minutes that I spent in the living room today, I breathed in so much cigarette smoke that I've been coughing for the past 3 hours. Yes, I'm sick, but I wasn't coughing before that. And I have that terrible feeling you get in your throat from cigarette smoke...it lingers.

In other news, my sickness has morphed. I went from having a run-of-the-mill cold to something miserable. My symptoms has dwindled down to congestion and a swollen throat the other day. Now, I'm a little less congested, still not talking normally, but I'm also extremely nauseated. I haven't eaten food that has stayed in my body in 3 days now. :( I didn't eat all day today out, but then I felt a little more stable after work, so I decided to eat a sandwich. Not such a great idea. Now I'm right back where I was. *sigh* Roger told me not to die or he'd be really mad. I asked at whom and he said me, lol, for rage quitting Life. Believe me, I'm not capable of any rage at the moment (which is very unbecoming "How fine you look when dressed in rage.").

Also, it's officially cold. I disapprove of this. I have had to actually turn the air conditioner completely off. Lame.

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Ok, I'll go in order.

The Good:
Although nothing is official it appears I have found homes for all my displaced pets. Someone I know from highschool, who is moving to Florida, may be buying Chives from me. I'm going to be meeting them tomorrow and getting everything taken care of. Hopefully everything goes smoothly and she loves him as much as I have. He's not the simplest animal to take care of and it's hard to love him when you don't understand him. I'll email her a few links to websites with info on caring from him and give her everything she needs to get started.
Regina wants to take the gecko/frog/toad tank combination off my hands. I'm very pleased with that because I can always check up on them with her and know how they're doing. Plus she knows she can always call me if she has any questions. Is it bad that I feel like I need to give people lessons in order to take care of my animals? lol

*sigh* On to worse news.

Tha Bad:
Dahlia is impacted....she has been for awhile. She was given an enima - nothing. She went to the vet last Saturday. The vet put her on laculose (a laxative) and I have been giving her that everyday, along with some mineral oil and pedialite to assure she stays hydrated. She has been such a sweatheart taking her medicine from me. So many people think she is scary, but I've had a harder time with much more friendly, cuddly animals. The bad part is that she still hasn't passed the impaction, which is believed to be a sizable chunk of mulch from her substrate. The vet said that we may have to consider surgery if she doesn't pass it soon. :( There is a surgeon in Medina that is supposed to be giving me a call on Tuesday (soonest he'll be in the office). Not only am I scared that my lizard may have to undergo surgery, I'm scared of how expensive it might be. I'm trying not to think about that, b/c I'll do whatever I can to help her..... I don't know if I could handle it right now if something worse happened to her. Which brings me on to....

The Ugly:
This is the thing I've been avoiding. I wanted to wait to talk about it, because I didn't want to cry. I've teared up a little, but I'm doing ok for the moment. Last Friday night I came home to find my female bunny, Buttons, dead. She had layed down in the closest earlier in the day and I have even remarked at how cute she looked.... I think she knew she was dying and had gone to a place where she could be in relative privacy in the room. She had been facing with her head into the closet and it had looked a little like she was trying to hide. My brother and sister were actually the ones who discovered she was dead. I was glad for that, only in so much that I didn't have to deal with it on my own. I was very firmly rooted in the "denial" stage for most of the night and I don't know if I would have been able to properly determine what should be done. Deborah helped too, well, she actually did most of the helping, as far as finding something to put her in and such. I'm glad they were there and I'm glad that Roger was able to talk to me and help keep me together while I was freaking out. I'm also extremely grateful to Buttons and the way that she went about dying. I know that sounds weird, but....she did it gracefully. She layed down, she stayed somewhere where we could find her, but that she still had her privacy. Normally, if the bunnies would want to hide they would go under the bed. She certainly had that option available to her, but she decided against it. I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if she had died under the bed. I would have had to search for her and eventually move the bed in under to recover her body..... I guess that was just her way of trying to make it easier on me.

Ok, enough of that... I did the crying thing again.

:(

Apparently this past week planned itself out to be the most depressing fucking week ever.

I really don't care to elaborate right now. Nor do I foresee myself wanting to talk about it aloud with anyone other than Roger in the near future. I'm glad I have him. Other than that; things are terrible.

Me & my pets

I put up a note on facebook today about getting rid of some of my pets, since we can't move them all. I know logically that they can't come. I've been planning to get rid of them. I had just been putting it off b/c it didn't seem like something I should do so soon and now that I'm finally doing it I've realized how unhappy I am about it.

Damn my incessant attachment!

It sucks. I wish my mom would have taken Chives. Then I could at least get updates on him, know he's ok and see him when we come to visit. I'm trying to really hard to not give any of them to strangers, but that doesn't always mean I'll have the opportunity to check up on them.

I know I'm being silly, but, eh.... it happens. I know that eventually they will die and I would be just as upset then.

I love animals way too much. I have stated numerous times, in all seriousness, that I would open a wildlife reserve if it was within my means.

In other animal news, I got to play vet today when I gave my 3 foot long lizard an enema. Very uhm.......interesting. Not what I'd like to do all day, lol. Truthfully though, the worst part was that I was afraid of hurting her.

Going it alone.

No one is moving with us. At first I thought it was kind of a shame, but now I'm glad for it.

Roger and I both thought we were doing something nice by offering the chance to our friends. And yeah, Mike probably needs a new start more than anyone. For Kyle it would have been an opportunity, but he will have more. The thing is that we're both so happy to be able to leave and make a real life for ourselves that I think it is hard to see that our friends aren't ready to do that yet.

But it's ok. I, for one, need to learn to live my life for myself. I need to take this time to do whatever it is that makes me happy and not worry about everyone else. (Well, I still worry about my boyfriend, but he's part of what makes me happy so that's allowed.)

I have an apartment to get, a move to plan and a life to live. And I'm incredibly happy for it. I don't care what hardship there may be involved. Moving is stressful and I stress easily, but I'll get through it. The cross-country drive is going to suck like a mother-fucker. But what is 3 or 4 days of discomfort in comparison to years of happiness??

Yeah, leaving my family is going to hurt. I love them dearly. They're pretty fucking crazy, though not in the harmful way, lol. So they often make me feel a little more centered. I worry about my siblings and how they're going to do getting through high school and such.

But I worry too much. I know I do. I can't watch over everything, for everyone. People need to cope with the hardships of life or they won't learn. I tried just telling my brother all the stuff I learned to deal with in high school, but quickly discovered that it's not just something you can be told, especially as a kid.

Yes, I worry. But I can only hope for the best and take care of myself.

Crunch time

I'm hoping to fill much of the remaining time with moving preparations.

Alot has happened and there's still alot to do. Mike is no longer coming with us. Truthfully I was worried about many of the implications of bringing him with us, but was trying to overcome them. He didn't really have the money, but he was working on it....or at least had said that he was. I really can never be quite sure. He still had issues with paying off his truck and wasn't quite sure that it would be 100% reliable if we were using it to move everything.

Well, whatever. There were a lot of complications, but if Mike decided he can't go that's all there is to it. The fucked up part is that he never told us, technically he still hasn't told us. I asked his girlfriend about his plans (in what I intended to be a casual manner) only to find out that they weren't quite what we had been told. I feel kind of bad now that she had to tell me when I know she didn't want to get in the middle of things, but I'm grateful that she did. I had been trying to discuss things with Mike for the last 2 weeks (at least) and he had been continually blowing me off. At first I attributed this to him wanting to spend time with his girlfriend, which I gladly gave him space to do, but then he continued to ignore me even when he wasn't busy and she was at work. I was trying not to barge in on his "couple time", but he immediately stopped responding to me once I mentioned anything about getting together or talking at all. I thought it was rude, but not entirely out of character for Mike.

So, after having spoken with his girlfriend I talked to Roger. It was apparent that Mike was ignoring us b/c he wanted to think of some excuse for why he couldn't come. I even suggested that maybe Roger just tell him has was no longer welcome; that would alleviate his stress over coming up with some bullshit reason. Roger decided to talk to him about the whole thing. It should have been easier since he didn't have to break it to us himself. Roger called him: no response. He texted him: no response. Left a message: no response. Numerous attempts at all of this, and nothing. So Roger calls his mom, in a well-deserved low blow, to find out what was going on. She confirmed what we already knew; Mike no longer wanted to come, but was being too much of a pussy to just tell us. Then Roger talked to Josh. Even Josh knew what was going on! To me that in itself is just a slap in the face.

Now that we knew everything and still hadn't talked to Mike Roger kind of started to send him some defamatory text messages. A little below the belt, but nothing he didn't deserve. When Mike finally decided he would do us the honor of responding, he still denied the allegations. Ouch.

So, whatever. After some back and forth Roger eventually texted him and said that we needed a decision and didn't care what it was. No response.

So, we extended the invitation to Kyle. We had kind of mentioned it to him before, but seeing as how we already had a full house the offer hadn't been a big thing. I feel bad throwing it on him all of the sudden, but we do need to know what's going on ASAP. I know he doesn't want to burden us by coming along without a job lined up, but I also know that it's difficult to secure a job from across the country, especially if you have to tell any potential employers that you aren't going to be available for another 2 months. Yeah, it's a tough situation, but he's supposed to try to sort things out by the end of this week or so. Hopefully we can solidify some things by then. No pressure..... lol.

I'm going to have to figure out my apartment situation in the next 2 weeks or so - MAX. The really big ordeal now is going to be figuring out the physical move itself, without Mike and his truck coming with us. I'm going to have to crunch some numbers and see what I can come up with. Also, we actually have to apply for an apartment.... *sigh* Most of the info I've read says that they require credit checks as well as proof of income. Well, I have the decent credit and Roger has the good job. So I'm not exactly sure how we're going to get through the application process.

On top of all this I've put my GRE studies on the back burner, which I'm not happy to admit. I really need to get things on track. I've been working way more than I need or want to and it's been taking it's toll. My little mini-vacation here has been amazing and definitely helpful in clearing my mind, but in a few short days it's back to the grind. The only relief is the approaching deadlines, as well as my approaching end of my current employment. I'm not exactly sure why deadlines are relief to me, I'm just more comfortable working to deadlines than anything else. Long live procrastination.

A brief glimpse of bliss

This week has been most joyous. :)

I'm in Mew Mexico. I arrived on Wednesday and Roger graduated on Thursday. I got to spend all of the 3-day, holiday weekend with him and couldn't be happier.

I won't be leaving until early Wednesday morning, however he has classes all day tomorrow. I'll see him tomorrow evening and then will have to say goodbye once again. I'm incredibly happy that I've been able to see him and spend time with him. It just sucks that once I leave I'm not going to see him for another 2 months. I know everything will be fine, but it doesn't mean I like it. Despite missing him all the time I had kind of grown accustomed to his pseudo-perpetual absence. Now my detachment must begin anew. *sigh*